Gal Pal Email 21st edition
Are you Single??
Contents:
Quips and Quotes
Ebonics Lesson
On the Flip Side
Mama's Korner
Her Voice Speak
Announcements

Quips and Quotes:"I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals." Nessa's friend James

Ebonics Lesson of the Week:
When talking about something sexual or relational in conversation and there is a level of discreetness to it, there is a word that is a catch all...pants. For example: She only wants me for my pants. He is only in it for the pants. Pants is all he/she thinks about. I thought that we were friends but then pants got involved. Etc.

On the Flip Side:For those of us who remember Forest Gump, it is the soundtrack that stays with us (okay and that whole thing with chocolate and shrimp). Thanks to Mike D who helped me find the lyrics/Ecclesiastes quote to do this particular piece. Anyway, Pete Seeger of the Byrds helped to make these words not only a worldwide hit, but to remind us to everything there is a season. This includes Singleness. Singleness is a season. Something that is important in life because it is only for a period of time. During this time it is when self-autonomy happens. Self-autonomy cannot occur living with your parents, and in the same vein, it can't be fully developed when one is constantly associating himself or herself as the partner of someone else (during these developmental years that are crucial). In identity development there are all these aspects of personal cultural identity that need addressed. If professionals (Arthur Chickering) have found that this is not usually until a person is older than 25 that they begin the process of self-autonomy, why not enjoy the time of singleness and allow things to progress when they are ready. There is no need to rush. In fact, in being single boys/men can learn to cook and clean. Girls/Women can get their oil changed and know how to fix the garbage disposal. There is nothing wrong with a division of labor in a household or couple, but it is good for people to learn how to do things for themselves so they are better equipped to serve their new family when it comes to be that time. Being single is not a curse, it is one of life's best gifts. And remember, it is just for a season.To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heavens:

A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluckup that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and atime to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time torefrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew
;a time to keep silence,and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
a time of war, and a time of peace

Mama's Korner:
The knives
While I am at home, I have found that there are things that I like to write down so I have become the family scribe. As I was in the 'nati getting my turkey on, I was up late with my sisters when oldest sister, Kathryn the Nun related this story:

I used to go up to Detroit when I was little to stay with Aunt Mary (who would be 95 if alive today). Several summers our cousin Ruthie, who is older than me, would go too. Well, one summer Ruthie stopped going. Aunt Mary had rules. One of those rules were that we were not to eat at other people's houses. This was incase that they were not clean or some other crazy Aunt Mary reason. This one time a friend in the neighborhood who knew Mary was having hamburger and French fries. Kathryn and Ruthie felt that they would just eat there and not tell Aunt Mary. Of course somehow Mary found out. She took them to the back of the house, against the garage and proceeded to throw knives at them. Around their heads. Granted my sister was 5 or 6, but she remembers this vividly like it happened last week.
Kathryn then tells that she never told Mama Pat (my mama) or the other sister Mama Kate (my other aunt). So, later that thanksgiving weekend I asked Mama Kate about it. She said if she knew about it she would have kicked Aunt Mary's butt all over Detroit. But that was not the response I wanted. "Mama, how did she learn to throw the knives...?" Mama Kate responded, "I guess from the reservation, that damn Indian..." Note that I did not inherit this ability to throw knives, any one who will allow me to practice on them.

Her Voice Speak:
Choose a Life Mate, Don't Wait For a Soul Mate By Michelle L. Casto, M.Ed.

This article is adapted from the book Get Smart! About Modern Romantic Relationships:
Your Personal Guide to Finding Right and Real Love Have you ever wondered why all the people who are seeking their soul mate end up disappointed and let down? I have found that it is possible that there is no such thing, at least in the way most people think about it. I have also found that if you want to find "heaven on earth" with a special someone, you have to adjust your expectations to a more realistic, humanistic level. With all of the talk about finding one's soul mate, you might wonder why a more appropriate term is "Life Mates." Because, in my belief, soul mates are all the people we come into contact with whom we have unresolved business. In truth, soul mates could be family, friends, or colleagues. They do not have to be your significant other. Thanks to the media and our human need for companionship, the soul mate myth has been romanticized to unrealistic proportions and continues to keep us longing for that one "perfect person," so much so that we are never satisfied with who we are with. Life Mates, on the other hand, appreciate and love each other on a more humanistic level. Life Mates recognize each other's spirits, but interact as human beings, realizing that while in human form, nothing or no one is perfect. They know that life on earth is about learning lessons. Life Mates learn, live, love, and evolve together, yet remain separate on their individual spiritual journey. Ultimately, finding your true Life Mate brings real love into your life, awakens your soul and makes it easier for you to learn the lessons you are meant to learn. Before I met my own Life Mate four years ago, I too believed that there was only one perfect person for me in this entire world. For many years, I searched high and low trying to find my other half only to end up feeling frustrated and lonelier than ever. And then.... I met Philip of course when I wasn't looking---and we began dating. I did not feel an instant connection with him, a bolt of lightening did not strike me, nor did any other "sign" appear before my eyes telling me that he was the one. Instead, we simply enjoyed each other's company and started spending more time getting to know one another. After about six months, we woke up to the realization that we wanted to be an exclusive couple. After a year and a half, we decided to move in together, next we bought a home, and finally adopted two wonderful dogs. My love life now is rich and wonderful, but it is because we chose each other and became committed to the development of a real relationship. Had I continued to search for a perfect person, I would probably still be alone! As it turns out, real love grows over time and involves a conscious choice. And here I was for years and years, believing that I would see my soul mate across a crowded room, fall immediately in love, and live happily ever after! Perhaps you can relate with my illusion? Upon my own inner reflection and by talking to others while I was writing Get Smart! About Modern Romantic Relationships, I discovered that the "soul mate" myth has endured for so long because we want to believe there is someone perfect for us even though we ourselves have many warts and imperfections. We want to believe in unconditional love and acceptance. We also want to believe in "destiny." We want the hand of God to bring our "twin" to us. We want to feel overwhelmingly drawn to him or her like a moth to a flame. We want to feel instant recognition when we first lay eyes on that person. For many folks, it is much easier for them to believe that their life is pre-destined, and that if they only wait long enough, they will find that perfect person. Instead of choosing to use what God gave us the ability to love and the free will to choose--- we leave our romantic lives up to "fate." (Something we would never do with our career or other important life needs, by the way). And of course, we learn about love through the media, and are lead to believe that finding our soul mate is easy. It happens all the time in the movies, right? At a deeper level, perhaps we want to believe in soul mates because we unconsciously seek a re-connection to our own God or Goddess. Maybe we believe that through a union with another person, that in addition to experiencing physical ecstasy that we will also experience spiritual ecstasy? If you stop to think about how many times "heaven" is referenced in romantic love songsyou may begin to realize the unconscious connection we often make between romantic love and spirituality. With the soul mate theory to romantic love, you have no conscious choice but to be with that person. In the real world, the choice is yours. Be sure to make it on a conscious level. What I have learned while on my journey with my Life Mate is that we each have to develop a relationship with God in our own way and then work (it is a true labor of love) at our relationship on a daily basis. My romantic relationship is full of joy and love but also with pain and work. (That is human reality). I now know that human love takes conscious effort, time and thought. And that choosing a Life Mate over seeking a soul mate makes for a much more fulfilling and attainable real-love experience.

Announcements:Happy Birfdays to Adina (Rollins) Sterling and Diane Horvath-Cosper and Meghan Reidy To all those I forgotten here, you did not sign up for my birfday alarm:

Please click on the following link for me and enter your name and birthday, it only takes a few seconds: http://www.BirthdayAlarm.com/dob/7029561a5987117b318