White Boy Email 27th Edition

White Boy Email 27th Edition
How to woo a woman

Quote of the Week:
“Even though the Lord’s pay isn’t very high, his retirement program is, you might say, out of this world. - George Foreman

Ebonics Lesson of the Week:
Some words have multiple meanings, this is the favorite of my great uncle:
Jive n. 1. A whole lot of talk. 2. An unreliable person 3. One’s personality or belongings 4. A persuasive talker quick to make commitments but prone to lie and to make excuses for not delivering 5. A man with many girlfriends. 6. One who is not in the "know.
“Stop talking you Jive-turkey!” When used with animal, it is a joke. This is how Uncle Clarence uses it.
Lesson of the week:

Sometimes it’s not even about wooing a woman, but even with having gal pals there are lessons to learn about carefulness. Sometimes you need to go over the top. Many times you have to stop being selfish and be selfless. This is the hardest part of human nature, but it is possible. Here are some random suggestions, use carefully and think outside the box.

1.
Ask her to dance.
2.
On windy days, brush wayward strands of hair from her eyes and mouth.
5.
Put your arm around her when you introduce her to your friends and family.
6.
Grasp her hand when a scantily dressed, beautiful woman walks by.
7.
Call her when you’re feeling sad.
8.
Kiss her eyelids.
9.
Ask to see a picture of her when she was a child.
10.
If she’s crying on the phone, go over to her place. Immediately.
11.
Occasionally call her by her first and middle names.
12.
Buy her your favorite rock album of all time on vinyl.
13.
Order coffee for her, remembering exactly how she likes it.
14.
Mention your upcoming anniversary before she does.
15.
Send her something in the mail. Anything.
16.
When she’s feeling insecure, stare into her eyes and tell her there is no one in the world who could be as right for you as she is.
17.
Call her just before you get on the plane.
18.
Try desperately to make her laugh when she’s feeling down.
19.
Take her to see your favorite sport live. Pay more attention to her than to the game.
20.
Hug her when she gets jealous. Hug her hard.
21.
Ask her specific questions about her work.
22.
Keep her favorite cereal on hand.
23.
In the middle of a conversation, tell her you love her.
24.
Send her very expensive flowers when you screw up.
25.
Read her a story when it’s her turn to drive during a long road trip.
26.
Offer to fix something in her apartment that you realize is broken.
27.
Notice when she’s wearing something new.
28.
Kiss her hand in front of your most die-hard bachelor buddies.

Uncle Fonny’s Section (instead of Mama)
My Uncle says a lot of funny things, because he is old. But something that he always has said as long as I remember is that “all I have to do is stay black and die.” I was like what the hell does that mean. I realize now that it means a lot of things. There is negative pride and positive pride. Here in his own way, he was exuding positive pride. He was attempting to show that there was a culture to blackness and he was not going to sell out. Just as there is a culture to blackness, there is the like in whiteness. Don’t worry about trying to be more than just a white boy, exist to be the best white boy you can be in the most positive way. The reward is greater than just you. If you allow others to influence you that much, you definitely are not taking enough personal time for you.

Sex Ed lesson featuring Hank Mylander, words from a first year law student and fellow white boy…
(Editors note: I don’t think that I believe that women and men should get married if this is going to be the thing that gets to them. If you are becoming “one person” then that means what is mine is yours and vice versa. This is why half the nation gets a divorce. However, Hank is getting a law degree, so speak oh great masticator J.)
"Sometimes the screwin' you get ain't worth the screwin' you get" is something my Dad told me a few years back. This brings me to the topic of pre-nuptial agreements. Like any prophylactic device, the end goal is to protect yourself. Whether or not you agree to a pre-nuptial agreement with your spouse-to-be, there is going to be a set of rules governing a potential breakup. Without a pre-nup, you're exposed to some of the worst that divorce law has to offer, including alimony, lost houses, garnished wages, etc., etc.
Most men understand this, and acknowledge the risk. But they say, "My girlfriend turns all cold and mean when I hint at a pre-nup, there's no way in hell she's going to sign." This is a common defense, which assumes that if you "really loved her" you wouldn't need her to sign any mean ol' pre-nup. The real question to ask is, "Why do you insist on threatening me with lawsuits? If our love is meant to be, it shouldn't take harsh legal penalties to keep it together." Also remember that pre-nups are not all the same, and you can tailor an agreement so that she's protected. For example, you can include provisions that penalize for adultery, but protect you in a mutual decision of incompatibility.
The trick to a successful pre-nup is plenty of advanced warning, and gentle pressure. Simply state that you won't get married without one, preferably a year or two in advance of a potential marriage. Your significant other won't drop you for this outright, because you weren't really planning a wedding yet anyhow. She may initially balk, but don't let down your guard. Eventually, she'll either decide that you're worth a pre-nup, or that the threat of legal action is too important to her. You come out a winner either way, by using the pre-nup to filter out gold-diggin hoes you ain't got no love for anyhow. The threat of divorce, like AIDS, is simply too pervasive in society to jump into marriage unprotected. Protect your money, pre-nup that honey.
Disclaimer:
I don’t think that I agree with this. If you are going to marry a woman who would potentially gold-dig, you may not be with the right woman anyway… check yourself before you wreck yourself.


Editor’s Note: If you would like to be featured in this section of the WBE, please just call or email me and let me know.

Have a great week and don’t forget to show love to you mamas!!

Live love and laugh,

Patty Jr