The Porcelain Bowl Volume 5 Issue 6

The Porcelain Bowl
Volume 5 Issue 6
What have you done today to feel proud series
Quips and Quotes
Catch 22- The Adonis Complex
Ebonics Lesson
Last Word-gender language


Quips and Quotes:
“If I accept you as you are, I will make you worse; however if I treat you as though you are what you are capable of becoming, I help you become that” -GoetheCatch 22-The Adonis ComplexSo, what is muscle dysmorphia, bigorexia nervosa or reverse anorexia, megorexia nervosa, machismo nervosa, or the Adonis complex? Simply the fact that human beings are always perceiving themselves, but their evaluations are not always reliable. For instance, has someone at work, a club, or the gym ever commented on how big, cut or both you look? Maybe someone noted in casual conversation that you were the biggest person in the room. Did you smile and sincerely mumble something like "Don’t I wish" or "It must be this light?" Maybe, if the person was not into lifting, bodybuilding, or whatever you call what you do in the gym you attributed their observation to their ignorance. However, if we accept that the average weight trainer is probably stronger and/or bigger than the average or above average non-lifter then proponents would suggest that such responses might be an early sign of the Adonis complex.Pope frames male body image issues tightly on an ABC special. "Let me define the Adonis Complex in more detail. It refers to all types of body image preoccupations in boys and men. Some boys and men worry that they aren’t muscular enough; others worry that they aren’t lean enough and still others worry that they have some unattractive feature, such as hair, facial features, etc. All of these worries represent different forms of the Adonis Complex" ( http://204.202.137.117/onair/DailyNews/chat_pope991115.html). So, if you are male and worry that you are too small, too fat, or unattractive, in almost any way, then you might have the Adonis complex. But there is hope for you. Once you know that you are struggling with body issues, there is something that you can do about it. if you are not that healthy you can augment a life a change. Never look for a quick fix because you may be damaging your body rather than reshaping it. I spoke to a friend of mine who is a personal trainer and is earning his masters in nursing) and in that conversation immerged several tips he considers men should adhere to incorporate life change and not quick changes. (And really good tips for anyone.)
1. Eat four to six meals a day. Smaller meals a day aid in digestion and keep you from being hungry and habitually overeating.
2. Eat Breakfast. Even if it’s a fruit or cereal, make it happen. It kick starts your metabolism and helps your brain to function for the day.
3. Any activity is good activity. About twenty minutes a day can help your cardiovascular system and promote all around better health.
4. There needs to be six weeks of routine activity to see physiological changes. 5. Remember there are no quick fixes. Taking hunger suppressants or diet pills will not last long. And may even hurt your body. To prevent damage control, incorporate changes that will last a lifetime and not for a drive thru diet pick up!
6. There are no weight loss secrets, no machines with super powers, and no magical pills, products or supplements. Ebonics Lesson:Hot contrary mess- this is the highest of “messes” a mess could be physical (like your room or somebody’s outfit), mental (like going people wanting to have babies cause everyone in Hollywood is procreating), or situational (driving off the highway cause some turd ran you off the road or you forgot your mom’s birfday). This is the mess that is past “hot mess.”
Last Word Part 1 (part 2 in July)Take it from me, we just don’t understand…each other. Dr. Tannen is the leading person in gender based communication style. She notes that men and women do communicate with a gender bend to language but each are valuable and valid styles. Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting need for intimacy (a key in the world of connection where individuals negotiate complex networks of friendship, minimize differences, try to reach consensus, and avoid the appearance of superiority which would highlight differences) and independence (a primary means of establishing status to tell others what to do, and taking orders is a marker of low status). Although both men and women need both, women tend to focus on intimacy and men tend to focus on independence. The crux of her argument is that male-female conversation is cross cultural communication. For the most part, women establish rapport talk and desire to have confirmation of their feelings. Men establish report talk and exchange information as a means to problem solve. Tannen observes that when men report to one another on issues of trouble, they tend to not to try to establish a connection based on those emotions but relay another independent experience that parallels. A women would tend to want to relate an experience that is based on empathizing and will offer an experience that connects herself to that person. Understanding that most of communication styles are learned, this linguistical style of gender performance uses a chasm between men and women. As men get older they do want to be more connected but do not have the practice. Ironically, when women get older they want to have their issues solved but are not equipped to do so. Yet, at the same time each sex is comfortable in communicating in the style that they have learned. Now that you all have this knowledge, cultural or gender understanding must be married with practice. Next time we will discuss body language and how to put knowledge into practice.

I guess most of you were expecting me to finish the piece I had began on seasons of Life. I will but I felt something more pressing to discuss in the intermediate.


The Porcelain Bowl Volume 5 Edition 2
What have you done today to feel proud?
Grace and Mercy: A Better Version of Me
Last Word by: LTC E. P. Horvath, MC

Quips and Quotes:
One thing that I learned the hard way was it does not pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.” L. Ball

Catch 22
Sometimes, do you feel detached from emotions as if you are merely going through the motions or functions of life? That is the struggle of manhood is the balance to hold up societies’ definitions of manhood and how you are trying to define it for yourself. In seeking that balance, I challenge you all this year to operate out of mercy and grace. Why you ask? Good question. Acting out of Mercy means not giving people what they deserve. What does this mean? If people got what they deserved all the time, the world will be a horrible place to live. Think about it. We as material beings take away from the Earth when we should be good stewards of its resources. (I am that elect group who takes advantage as well.) And unless you live in a bubble, you contribute to the lack of Ozone layer over Chile and the reduction of rain forests from around 18% of the world to only 6%. The Amazon alone produces 20% of the world oxygen. If we keep destroying the Earth, the Earth has no other option but to seal our fates.IF we got what we deserved from Earth right now, the sentence would be land reforestation for people. For all the land we have mutilated, all the people would simply go away. If the Earth had the option to deal with us that harshly, would it? Or would the Earth be merciful? Each day that we pollute It and wreck It, I realize the Mercy that the planet shows us, though us humans really do not deserve it. What about an example that is not so tree-hugging hippyish (sorry to my girl Amy G.). What about the great Peacemakers of our time: Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Martin L. King Jr.. The social world did not deserve them. In fact, MLK was murdered for his humble work for civil rights and the poor. There are no Peacemakers that live currently that were like these folks. And while they walked this earth, they bestowed grace and mercy to most who crossed their paths. And what about Grace, or unmerited favor. When you attend college, there is the ten minute rule. If the professor fails to show up within ten minutes after the start of class, the class is over. If grace were that simple. Grace is love personified. It is the marriage of mercy and compassion. Grace begets patience and endurance and perseverance. There are times when you should have failed and didn't. There are times in my life when there was a way made out of no possible way. There were people in my life who cheered me to greatness and picked me up from the depths of despair. I never deserved any of such kindness, but it is found in the purity of our humanity. The ability to show mercy (undeserved treatment) by way of grace (unmerited favor) though we could not have earned that station nor could we have the means to repay for such actions bestowed on us. When we fall on the mud and trash of life (and believe me I have literally and figuratively succeeded in falling like this) that is when Grace and Mercy arrives. The unbelievable revelation here is that we can give grace and mercy to others. This giving of the human spirit helps us grow as individuals and brings peace in our lives. By participating in the Peacemakers examples, we access the essence of life, to give of ourselves by ways of time, gifts, talents, and possessions. And at this peak of compassion we become better versions of ourselves.

The Last Word
Restoring Relationships:Relationships are always worth restoring. Start by seeking wise counsel, don't simply gossip, it’s counter productive without any problem solving. Always take the initiative. Be on the offensive vs. defensive side. Sympathize with their feelings and don't be selfish with emotion. Confess your part of the conflict. Attack the problem and not the person. Cooperate as much as possible. Emphasize reconciliation not resolution. If the person does not want restoration after you have done all this, then let it go. After all, you are only human and there are limitations when the change has to come from both sides. Just try to work hard in living in peace with others.However remember this, sometimes people are in your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. So sometimes the relationship will end because that was finiteness of the experience.

Last last Word:
Special Excerpt from my gal pal Diane Horvath-Cosper’s Daddy who is 50+ and serving in Iraq right now. Let me explain. Dr. Horvath re-enlisted because for a list of reasons, one being that because he was a trains physician his skills could aid in the saving of young men’s lives who are serving our country and for him it also was a revelation of his faith. I am thankful for the fact Diane forwards these thoughts from her dad to some of her friends. I believe that his courage to serve when he did not have to demonstrates grace and mercy. He is extending himself to demonstrate love and compassion, and in so risking his life. Here is one of my favorite emails from him. Why are they so young?Why are they so young, these juvenile insurgents, these kid terrorists who want to kill Americans and their own countrymen? Some are mere boys--ages 12 to 17--and look even younger than that. Many do not even know their real age, medical records being so unreliable here after years of neglect. We actually have to take X-rays of their long bones to determine true chronological age; they are then "assigned" a new birthdate, usually January 1 of a given year. I've had the opportunity to examine and treat a number of adolescents over the past few days. Several were quite sick, and all were frightened, not only by their illness, but also by the circumstances of their detention. Like teenage boys everywhere, they tried to be brave and not cry, but some were unable to hold it in. The doctors, nurses, and medics did their best to comfort them. I'm certain many of the older healthcare personnel saw in these young faces reflections of their own children.Although at least half (perhaps more) are innocent, and here only for questioning, others are guilty of various crimes, up to and including, the killing of American soldiers. What manner of people, culture, religion, or political philosophy would induce their own children to commit such acts of violence? What to do with these kids? They would be easier to hate if they weren't so young, if they didn't look and act as my own children did at their ages. I spoke with them a lot, laughed a little, gave them some candy, and touched each on the forehead or cheek. I reflected on the difficult life awaiting most of them and did my best to maintain my composure. The tears came later that evening in the quiet, privacy, and darkness of my room. Why are they so young?

LTC E. P. Horvath, MC Chief, Professional Services 256th Combat Support Hospital Brooklyn, OH

The Porcelain Bowl Volume 5 Edition 1

The Porcelain Bowl Volume 5 Edition 1
"What Have You Done Today to Feel Proud"
The Seven Seasons Part 1

Quote of the Week:"Success in life has nothing to do with what you gain in life or accomplish yourself. It's what you do for others." Danny Thomas

Catch 22
There are seven seasons in a person's life. The seasons can be summed up as reflection, building, renewal, crisis, rebuilding, suffering and success. They do not occur in any specific order, and can happen co-currently with the others as combinations. As you go through these seasons there are some of them that have certain attributes in which you control how you react to what life has dealt you. As you reflect on life ask, "what is your positional truth?" Five attributes that can be used as bench marks as a human being of what to reflect on when trying to answer this question are compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Let me break it down.The Greek for compassion is "bowels of mercy," I know that this may sound like a BM of another kind, but it means coming from deep inside. That looking out for other people means you are demonstrating unmerited favor upon them. Kindness means looking for an opportunity to serve others regardless of circumstances. Humility means "stepping down". In spite of positions in life, you can meet someone where they are by merely reaching back as you climb. Gentleness or a soft touch means not to come off as harsh. If your roommate or spouse yells at you to do something, the effect is much different when he/she tells you with a gentleness. Patience is the exercise to slow down and wait. It is the ability to come from a place that is not a reaction from our normal humanity. And the metaphysical essence that holds these five together as an enabler is love. A definition of love can be equated with Giving. Sometimes it "hurts" to give of your money, time and self, this is because it goes against the grain of American society that is based on social Darwinism; the survival of the fittest (or best equipped).
",1]
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D(["mb","Since we are wrapping up college football season with the bowl games, I have to mention one of the greatest running backs of all time Gayle Sayers. He wrote this book called "I am 3\nrd." He lived by the personal philosophy that serving others came before himself. And he lived a fulfilled and joyful life. I do not know many current running backs who live by that philosophy. (ex-OSU folks will remain nameless.) If more of us reflected on our lives that we could be 3\nrd instead of 1st, we may find ourselves getting more out of and giving more to life. \n",1]
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Since we are wrapping up college football season with the bowl games, I have to mention one of the greatest running backs of all time Gayle Sayers. He wrote this book called "I am 3 rd." He lived by the personal philosophy that serving others came before himself. And he lived a fulfilled and joyful life. I do not know many current running backs who live by that philosophy. (ex-OSU folks will remain nameless.) If more of us reflected on our lives that we could be 3 rd instead of 1st, we may find ourselves getting more out of and giving more to life.

The Porcelain Bowl Volume 4 Issue 5

The Porcelain Bowl Volume 4 Issue 5
What have you done today to feel proud Part II

Quips and Quotes:
Mental toughness is many things. It is humility because it behooves all of us to remember that simplicity is the sign of greatness and meekness is the sign of true strength. Mental toughness is spartanism with qualities of sacrifice, self-denial, dedication. It is fearlessness, and it is love. Vince Lombardi


Catch 22
"patty, how are you so brave?"
Me, brave? I have never considered myself brave. I thrive. I realize that for me the alternative is defeat and self-loathing, so I am determined by God's grace to be more than that. I can love myself and keep moving because I have to. For me there is no other choice. Now, for some people who don't share in my background, I guess I should explain. The way I grew up, the odds were against me. See, I am not suppose to be here. Yet, I have arrived. When you are seen as big black female ugly poor ...there is a lot of traumatic happenings that you gotta go through. People are not inherently nice and don't really care, most of the time. People will call you out of your name. Spit in your face or throw rocks at you. Reject you because you don't look like them. Hate you because your presence makes them realize that they are not near perfect. They will disrespect you because they are insecure. Lie to you because they can. Steal from you because they can. Hurt you because well, they can. Cheat you..., well, you get the idea.If you are not perceived as a person of worth by societal standards, it is hard to maintain anything but to either be brave because the alternative is social death. How else, can I explain it, I know for many its hard to hear me be this REAL. I think that it's harder to be a combination of rich, white, male, etc., than what it means to be the opposite of all these things. I believe that because not only do you not learn how to be brave, you are raised to be a coward. The majority in America is taught to resist change and that seeing "othered" groups as equals relinquishes artificial power that is still used to subjugate entire groups of people. Yet, still, a coward mocks others and treat others like poop, a coward is someone who hurts others so that they feel better or don't even think about what they are doing and still perform this function.
However, then these cowards come to college, and are told to buy into diversity and treat people better...well that really can\'t happen if a person is not able to see their privilege, and to see the mechanics are that keep them a coward.\nWhat are those mechanics?If you have only had wonderful things happened to you, and then you normalize those things, then you will never appreciate where you came from and what you have. You will be selfish and not treat people right. That is what has to be unlearned. I once jested with a friend about adventure sports. Now, I love sports, in fact I can\'t believe I love hockey! But look at the populations of people who do adventure sports. The people who participate are mostly white, and the people who have money. Most of the time those two groups are the same population. Why do you think that this group participates in adventure sports? I don\'t need adventure sports because existing is hard enough. The thrill for adventure sports comes from the place of desiring a thrill and to prove one\'s ability to take on something life threatening; that is faux bravery. (Don\'t feel bad if you do adventure sports.) \nLife is hard enough, but if you never had to struggle, if you never had your life threatened on a regular basis just because of who you are. If you are like a professor of mine (dr. rose) who grew up in the upper part of Louisiana where she was taught not to go out after dark, for fear of her life because she was black. If you have ever been followed on the street because you were a woman and cornered in an alley. You never have to make up thrills. Adventure sports don\'t attract you. This is because life is the thrill. Life can be more than enough.\nIf you don\'t have to really be brave in your own life (which I highly doubt), be brave for someone else, help someone, be a friend, be a supporter, and/or a gift giver. I will never spend money on sky diving because I know that there is a kid who doesn\'t have school supplies. I know that there is an elderly woman who cannot afford groceries. For as much as I struggled and continue to struggle, I realize even more that I need to be brave for others and help them. Spread the love around. When you give love to multiple people in service, your heart can be broken, but it will never be wounded. You never will fully appreciate what you have if you don\'t give to others who don\'t have enough.\n",1]
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However, then these cowards come to college, and are told to buy into diversity and treat people better...well that really can't happen if a person is not able to see their privilege, and to see the mechanics are that keep them a coward. What are those mechanics?If you have only had wonderful things happened to you, and then you normalize those things, then you will never appreciate where you came from and what you have. You will be selfish and not treat people right. That is what has to be unlearned. I once jested with a friend about adventure sports. Now, I love sports, in fact I can't believe I love hockey! But look at the populations of people who do adventure sports. The people who participate are mostly white, and the people who have money. Most of the time those two groups are the same population. Why do you think that this group participates in adventure sports? I don't need adventure sports because existing is hard enough. The thrill for adventure sports comes from the place of desiring a thrill and to prove one's ability to take on something life threatening; that is faux bravery. (Don't feel bad if you do adventure sports.) Life is hard enough, but if you never had to struggle, if you never had your life threatened on a regular basis just because of who you are. If you are like a professor of mine (dr. rose) who grew up in the upper part of Louisiana where she was taught not to go out after dark, for fear of her life because she was black. If you have ever been followed on the street because you were a woman and cornered in an alley. You never have to make up thrills. Adventure sports don't attract you. This is because life is the thrill. Life can be more than enough. If you don't have to really be brave in your own life (which I highly doubt), be brave for someone else, help someone, be a friend, be a supporter, and/or a gift giver. I will never spend money on sky diving because I know that there is a kid who doesn't have school supplies. I know that there is an elderly woman who cannot afford groceries. For as much as I struggled and continue to struggle, I realize even more that I need to be brave for others and help them. Spread the love around. When you give love to multiple people in service, your heart can be broken, but it will never be wounded. You never will fully appreciate what you have if you don't give to others who don't have enough.
The difference between being a survivor and a person who thrives is this: a person who merely survives wants to be at the place they were before; the person who thrive have learned from being brave through circumstances and have come out changed for the better and don\'t look back, but looks forward. Be fully proud of the days where you thrive over merely surviving. That is when you know that you have ran and completed the race. And regardless of the placement, you win!\nLast WordAs most of you are now in your twenties, many of you will become engaged, start dating seriously, have friends who will do those things, and/or be fabulous and single. But as you mature and think about relationships, there is always more to learn about yourself, potential candidates, and people in general. Let me share with you what was revealed to me that has reshaped how I look at relationships.\nAs a man, you should be looking for a women who is your friend, your lover, and your queen. When a women is your friend, she will be there for you. She will be one of your best friends and love and respect you. She will encourage you to go after your dreams but at the same time check you when you start losing it. She will be kind and compassionate. She is someone that your other friends and family respect because she is a good person. She compliments you. She is women enough to love your past and your future. She adds to your life, and doesn\'t take away from it. You are proud that you are friends because she has helped you to be a better person. If a woman is not your friend, she will not be able to be the best lover to you. \nYou want a woman to be your lover; meaning that she can pleasure and entertain your deepest needs. You sees you to the core of who you are and can still look at you. She caters to you and serves you beyond what is just physical. You know that no matter what would or could happened, you can trust her. She has earned trust and respect because she gives it. She is secure in herself, and that is what makes her sexy. She is independent but is drawn to you because you add to her life and vice versa.\n",1]
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The difference between being a survivor and a person who thrives is this: a person who merely survives wants to be at the place they were before; the person who thrive have learned from being brave through circumstances and have come out changed for the better and don't look back, but looks forward. Be fully proud of the days where you thrive over merely surviving. That is when you know that you have ran and completed the race. And regardless of the placement, you win! Last WordAs most of you are now in your twenties, many of you will become engaged, start dating seriously, have friends who will do those things, and/or be fabulous and single. But as you mature and think about relationships, there is always more to learn about yourself, potential candidates, and people in general. Let me share with you what was revealed to me that has reshaped how I look at relationships. As a man, you should be looking for a women who is your friend, your lover, and your queen. When a women is your friend, she will be there for you. She will be one of your best friends and love and respect you. She will encourage you to go after your dreams but at the same time check you when you start losing it. She will be kind and compassionate. She is someone that your other friends and family respect because she is a good person. She compliments you. She is women enough to love your past and your future. She adds to your life, and doesn't take away from it. You are proud that you are friends because she has helped you to be a better person. If a woman is not your friend, she will not be able to be the best lover to you. You want a woman to be your lover; meaning that she can pleasure and entertain your deepest needs. You sees you to the core of who you are and can still look at you. She caters to you and serves you beyond what is just physical. You know that no matter what would or could happened, you can trust her. She has earned trust and respect because she gives it. She is secure in herself, and that is what makes her sexy. She is independent but is drawn to you because you add to her life and vice versa.
When a woman is your queen, it means that you honor and cherish her. That you do everything in your power to cater and respect her. That you are doing what you can to sustain her joy. You share together in the relationship and you don\'t lead the relationship by authoritarian means but by serving. Your legacy together is where love will ultimately reside. At the same time she sees you as her king. She honors and respects you. And you each perform your roles out of mutual respect. Balance is key to this level of love.\nI went home a couple of weeks ago to visit with my friend Beth who was married last year and this year had a baby with her husband, Scott. We went to high school together and undergraduate here at OSU. She let me in on a secret. See, Scott and Beth dated 11 years before they got married (here comes my age). When Beth and I were freshman in high school that is when they began to date. They waited. They waited to get to know each other, they waited to learn from each other, they waited to allow the other to grow, and they waited to be fiscally secure and have their odds and ends together, for them. In our capitalistic society, we want what we want right now. And we treat marriage with the same impatience. \nBeth told me something that I will take with me for the rest of my life. She told me every day she is learning more about Scott. That she is still getting to know him. You would think that now 12 years was enough to get to know someone. But Beth shared wisdom with me that day. In any relationship, especially marriage, as you grow together you learn more about the other and it is real work to sustain open and honest communication. But you do that because you love that person and they love you. That is why you have to be best friends, because with lovers alone, the love can simply die. But with friendship, the agape kind (unconditional) love resides, and that is what gets a relationship through things that are hard. \nYou may have experienced love, but without the other kinds of love, a long term relationship will not work. And hopefully we all are at least learning from each relationship on how to be better. How to serve more. How to be a better friend. And how not to fall for those who would abuse and manipulate us. Those who want to change us to fulfill their needs in their best interest. A true love, wants you to be the best that you can be for you. And the outcome is win-win. If you are the best that you can be for you, and you are giving and serving others, then you will be a greater man. Many women in their 20\'s don\'t know how to support a man to do this effectively. That is because they are trying to figure out their own purpose. \n",1]
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When a woman is your queen, it means that you honor and cherish her. That you do everything in your power to cater and respect her. That you are doing what you can to sustain her joy. You share together in the relationship and you don't lead the relationship by authoritarian means but by serving. Your legacy together is where love will ultimately reside. At the same time she sees you as her king. She honors and respects you. And you each perform your roles out of mutual respect. Balance is key to this level of love. I went home a couple of weeks ago to visit with my friend Beth who was married last year and this year had a baby with her husband, Scott. We went to high school together and undergraduate here at OSU. She let me in on a secret. See, Scott and Beth dated 11 years before they got married (here comes my age). When Beth and I were freshman in high school that is when they began to date. They waited. They waited to get to know each other, they waited to learn from each other, they waited to allow the other to grow, and they waited to be fiscally secure and have their odds and ends together, for them. In our capitalistic society, we want what we want right now. And we treat marriage with the same impatience. Beth told me something that I will take with me for the rest of my life. She told me every day she is learning more about Scott. That she is still getting to know him. You would think that now 12 years was enough to get to know someone. But Beth shared wisdom with me that day. In any relationship, especially marriage, as you grow together you learn more about the other and it is real work to sustain open and honest communication. But you do that because you love that person and they love you. That is why you have to be best friends, because with lovers alone, the love can simply die. But with friendship, the agape kind (unconditional) love resides, and that is what gets a relationship through things that are hard. You may have experienced love, but without the other kinds of love, a long term relationship will not work. And hopefully we all are at least learning from each relationship on how to be better. How to serve more. How to be a better friend. And how not to fall for those who would abuse and manipulate us. Those who want to change us to fulfill their needs in their best interest. A true love, wants you to be the best that you can be for you. And the outcome is win-win. If you are the best that you can be for you, and you are giving and serving others, then you will be a greater man. Many women in their 20's don't know how to support a man to do this effectively. That is because they are trying to figure out their own purpose.
Let me assure you, as Beth revealed to me in her own life. Love that is suppose to be forever will wait. Love supports. Love guides. And love thrives. It will change with each struggle but it will still be there. Someone who is selfish and doesn\'t really know how to love, is insecure, because they don\'t even know how to love themselves…so how can you expect them to love you at all? Don\'t spend your life waiting for THE person. Work on yourself. And you will have healthy higher standards. You will have a better concept of self-worth. You will not fall victim to insecure women and man-eaters. And for those of you who are single and fabulous, the longer you wait to get married, statistically, the more likely it will last. And if you are single and fabulous at 50, you will be okay, too. This is because you are fully proud of who you are, and you have given so much in your life, that a relationship can or cannot happen and you will be fine.\nA man can be as great as he wants to be. If you believe in yourself and have the courage, the determination, the dedication, the competitive drive and if you are willing to sacrifice the little things in life and pay the price for the things that are worthwhile, it can be done.\n\n",0]
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Let me assure you, as Beth revealed to me in her own life. Love that is suppose to be forever will wait. Love supports. Love guides. And love thrives. It will change with each struggle but it will still be there. Someone who is selfish and doesn't really know how to love, is insecure, because they don't even know how to love themselves…so how can you expect them to love you at all? Don't spend your life waiting for THE person. Work on yourself. And you will have healthy higher standards. You will have a better concept of self-worth. You will not fall victim to insecure women and man-eaters. And for those of you who are single and fabulous, the longer you wait to get married, statistically, the more likely it will last. And if you are single and fabulous at 50, you will be okay, too. This is because you are fully proud of who you are, and you have given so much in your life, that a relationship can or cannot happen and you will be fine. A man can be as great as he wants to be. If you believe in yourself and have the courage, the determination, the dedication, the competitive drive and if you are willing to sacrifice the little things in life and pay the price for the things that are worthwhile, it can be done.

The Porcelain BowlVolume 4 Issue 4

The Porcelain BowlVolume 4 Issue 4
Begin with the End in Mind
Introduction:
Many of you already know that the weekend of Thanksgiving, the Vice-President of Student Affairs passed away. He was the greatest man I ever knew. He was my mentor for the past 6 years. I know that many of you may have no idea how awesome a champion Bill Hall was to this school. But no one will ever replace him and in all the nation, there is no dean or VP that was as dedicated or diligent. I hope that all of you really come to an understand how blessed you all were to be at Ohio State during his tenure. He was my greatest advocate, and you may not know this, but he was your greatest advocate at the university as well.

Quips and Quotes:
What does not kill you makes you stronger.
Number 2.: "There was talk among the young men, angry, growing talk. And later when they were fully men and married and the dismay of increasing numbers filled their hearts, the scattered anger of their youth became settled into a fierce despair and into a revolt too deep for mere words because all their lives they labored more severely than beasts, and for nothing except a handful of refuse to fill their bellies."-P. S. Buck
thanks to WB carey Clinton who sent that to me from Bulgaria.

Catch 22
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
Challenge yourself to do something nice for someone else everyday. From something small whether it be a smile or gestured gift to something even more significant. When you do something good for someone else, it makes you feel good. Who needs therapy when you can help yourself! However, the quote what does not kill you makes you stronger can only work if you seek the truth behind the tragedy. The blessing that is in every storm. What is that blessing? That regardless of the severity, the storm will end, and you will need to move on. When you live your life just for yourself there is no checks and balances. You go through life under a veil of uncertainty because you aren't established in anything that has meaning. What is your ontological map? How do you make meaning? Maybe in this new year, you can begin to give. Give of your gifts, time, and talents to edify someone or many people. Begin with the end in mind. Seek first to understand then to be understood. Oprah began her season by asking her audience, and well, the world, the question of “what have you done today to feel proud?” This is a question I am going to ask myself each day. My challenge for all of you is to pose that sentiment to yourselves. Journal about it. I promise what goes around comes around. When you begin doing a good work that helps someone else, close to follow are the means that you needed when you did not even know you were lacking at all. What have I done today to feel proud? I began with the notion of passing this one to all of you, so that you could bless someone else.Even in your own pain you can be a giver, that is when it is most important. All of you know by now that the great Bill Hall passed away last week. It hit me pretty hard. But in my own brokenness came the truth I needed to give the most important speech I have ever delivered. The joy of everyone else who heard the stories of me and bill, was worth more than my grief. I learned this by revelation that I received attending a program for a group of kids that a bunch of us students adopted for the holidays from a program Gal Pal Naomi put together. Although I did not even feel like getting out of bed that Thursday, I went to the program and served these kids because they deserved it. Life is not just about me. And in the moments that I ate, played and fellowshipped with those kids I was comforted by their presence and that was more significant then feeling sorry for myself in my room. It is the JOY of other people that was worth more than my GRIEF. And the evidence was in the eyes of little kids. And I am so grateful for the timeliness of that experience. For those who wondered, that experience is where I drew the strength to have it together at the memorial service. Last Word:ManEatersOoohh there she goesWatch out boy she’ll chew you up…she’s a man eater…As much as I get on my female friends to watch out for wack dudes, I would be doing an injustice if I were not real to you all about women and how they can be serpents in the grass. I was having a conversation with one of my mentors about women who give good women a bad wrap, and she told me something very valuable, most men are messed up because a woman (or bad relationship with a woman, and this could be his mother as well) went wrong or wronged him. So, those reading may be in great relationships, but you all got friends who date the crazies. HELP your friend out. Of course there is only so much you can do. A person has got to want to help themselves.

But think of it this way, man eaters are like serpents. These women bury their fangs deep and don’t release their prey until their dead, the venom has ran out, or the prey fights back. If the prey fights back, that is the only time that the snake gives up and takes flight to leave. If you don’t fight back, you will come under the influence of the venom and it can poison you in many ways. The fact is at the end of the day, we all have the choice. Sometimes choices are hard to make, but when we finally discover the truth and pursue it, that when we find at the summit of fear, where real courage lies. And the antidote may be really painful in the beginning, but it is what is best for not dying or killing parts of yourself. “Pain nourishes courage. You can't be brave if you've only had wonderfulthings happen to you.” --Mary Tyler Moore

The Porcelain BowlVolume 5 Issue 4

The Porcelain BowlVolume 5 Issue 4

What have you done today to feel proud series

Quips and Quotes:
“A man can be as great as he wants to be. If you believe in yourself and have the courage, the determination, the dedication, the competitive drive and if you are willing to sacrifice the little things in life and pay the price for the things that are worthwhile, it can be done.”

Catch 22:

There are several characteristics of principle-centered leadership as outlined by Stephen Covey. I think that because leadership is not in a title, and who we are day to day reveals our real character, now is the time to start changing your life and incorporating traits of the person you want to be. And if you want to be a leader or help others in any capacity then consider the following.

Covey states that principle-centered people show that they have matured and developed in such a way that they are not only good citizens but such attributes present in a person is evidence as progress and internal development. Effective leaders and principle-centered people are continually learning. They are always expanding their competency and recognize learning is a life-long process. They develop new skills and interests. Most of this level of exploration is self-motivated and self-generated.

Covey then lends himself in discussion of the second attribute in that they are service-oriented. Many of you may know by now that my life mantra is that “service is our rent for living.” Because we exist as humans it is the fact they we consume air in our lungs and take steps each day creates a debt that we own to our community, which is the world. Life is mission not a career.

The third attribute is that principle-centered people radiate positive energy. People of this ilk have a positive attitude, their disposition is optimistic and their spirit is enthusiastic and hopeful. And we must realize that we control our attitudes and how we react to people. Be aware of your own energy and what you share with others. Practice self control and discipline. Wisdom allows for you to make decisions on when to use humor to diffuse a negative energy situation and it also reminds you when to let something go and walk away.


Principle-centered people believe in other people. There is this quote I remember that says, “a true friend walks in when everyone else walks out (of a room)”. That is what it means to believe in people. You see someone tired, broken, and maybe at some point they had treated you like poo. But that is no reason to cease believing in them. We need to see the unseen potential in other people. This creates a climate for growth and opportunity according to Covey. The fifth attribute is leading balanced lives. It is more than keeping up with current affairs. And it is not about the person who has the most cookies on their plate. They can feel their own worth yet at the same time can see the worth in others.

One of my male friends made this comment that I think that all my female friends are gorgeous. I am not convinced easily by superficiality and it is my hope that I surround my self with beautiful people who are so magnificent on the inside that their bodies and faces are merely accentuating the positive. The human spirit and mind are the main events, not the side dishes. Having a sense of humor to laugh at oneself also demonstrates the balance in one’s life. Live sensibly in the present, plan carefully for the future, and flexibly adapt to changing circumstances. The past contributes to who we are but is not the substance of who we are because should always live to be a better person than we were yesterday. This is the benchmark of growth and maturity.

Life is an adventure. Covey says that because principle-centered persons’ security comes from within instead of from without. They have no need to categorize and stereotype everything that comes into their lives to give them a sense of certainty and predictability. They rediscover people each time they meet them and don’t box people in. They are present when they are listening to others and they can learn not only from their own mistakes but also the mistakes of others.
They are synergists.

Synergy is a state in which the whole is more than the sum of the parts. Principle-centered people are catalysts and change-agents. They improve almost any situation they get into. They work as smart as they work hard, according to Covey. They are not threatened that some people will be better skilled or equipped in areas where they are lacking. The result is that they can allow those folks to function autonomously.

Finally principle-centered people exercise for self-renewal in the four dimensions of the human personality: physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental. We should all be engaged in devoting an hour each day to each of these dimensions so that we are most productive in the other areas of our lives. Working out is not enough if you are not well-read. Completing private victories provide the basis for public victories. You cannot help anyone else effectively if you are not continuously working out your own personhood.

Last Word:
Assigning yourself. I have relearned this lesson in a multi-layered manner. Many of you well know that I advise a male fraternity that is Jewish. We just initiated 15 new members so I have taken it upon myself to help them with their growth and tenure at Ohio State. I know that being here is not enough. I realized that the boys needed some more guidance. I assigned myself to meet them where they are. I can’t be a half-assed advisor. I either will do them justice, or allow someone else to do the task.

Then as I met with the fellas one on one, I realized that they did not have the attitude of coming to the university for depth and breath. They saw it as a means to an end, not a rite of passage. They could not see it as a way to stretch and grow spiritually, emotionally, physically and intellectually. I realized that part of my assignment was to get them THERE. In that space of development so that they would not be 30 wondering what they did while they were in college. And at the same time, they need to assign themselves.

One of my boys does not even have a class where he is writing this quarter and he is a communications major. I could have died on the spot. I asked him how could he NOT be writing this quarter. I decided then was the teachable moment. I assigned him a book report this quarter outside his workload. I explained to him that he needed to assign himself because missing a moment to write as a COMM major meant that he was not pursuing excellence and preparedness. After a lengthy conversation he saw it my way. (smile). I then told him without struggle there is no progress. I asked did he know who said it. He replied no. SO I also made him look that up and get back to me. He emailed me an hour later. And also stated that he wanted to get his life in order and be prepared. He thanked me for keeping it real and was ready for the book. I thought to myself, how often do people just take the time out to reach out to another human being. To remind him or her to breathe.

And state the importance of the taking in and out of air. I find that is too, my mission in life. To remind people that living is not enough. One of the ways I define who I am is by the way I help others. I can feel proud today because I helped one young man realize that he was untapped potential. That laziness was unacceptable to HIMSELF. He can raise the bar without having someone set it for him.

Gal Pal Post volume 4 edition 3

Gal Pal Post Volume 4 Edition 3
Quips and Quotes
Inner Diva Speak
Last Word


“you can tell the character of a person by the type of friends they keep…”

Inner Diva Speak

or by the kind of friends they don’t keep. Last time we talked about relationships with a significant other, but this week, it is all about the deal with people in our lives and that which is between friends. Gal pal (and mentor) Lesley Deaderick/Jenkins taught me an amazing lesson the year of 2001. Besides offering me her wonderful friendship, she gave the greater gift, her wisdom. Something that she had learned in her journey in life and shared this with me.When someone is in your life for a REASON it could be for a host of explanations; it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. On the other hand, that someone may be there to test you or to bless you. If they are there to test you then this may lead to you either growing or regressing. But in this you still have a choice.Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. On the other hand, these persons may bring you nothing but hardship and pain. They may deceive you or manipulate you. It is then your decision to rise about the occasion and figure out the role they played in your life.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person or people involved; and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships, and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. A nperson at this level is music for your soul. These people are the iron that sharpens iron. They are the people/friends/mentors inyour life that add to your life, they do not take it away from it. Life is not about what you get, it is about what you give. So when you are sowing relationships of any kind, be mindful that you are putting into them more than what you expect to get out. When you do good by others, I promise not only will good find you, but you will feel good. And once you retrain your minds to rise above situations and get over the fact that life is not fair and things will not always work out in your favor, your hope should be that you learn from every test. After all, life is a test and a trust. Who we are under persecution of the pressures of life is what sifts and refines us to reveal who we really are. And there you will find your life purpose.

Last Word:
In honor of the national holiday about giving thanks, I had to discuss it. If you do not appreciate the people who love you and care about you and express this in manner that they know you do appreciate them then you will probably wear out your welcome and they may move on to another person or focus their energy on folks whom share mutual love and respect for said persons. If you do not appreciate what you have then why do you feel that you deserve more? In life we really don’t deserve anything. Service should be our rent for merely living. Each day we breathe is one to be thankful for. If you got up to read this email, you should be thankful that you can see. Etc.
Be a good steward of what you have (possessions, gifts, talents, but more importantly relationships/friendships). I am very thankful for every one of you. I apologize if for any reason that\r\nyou do not feel as if I demonstrate this in a way that blesses you. I hope that all of you realize that you have added to my life, and for\r\nthat very fact, I am thankful.

Keep it classy Ladies!

PS: for those of you know who knew our vice president of student affairs, Bill Hall passed away 11-27 at his residence surrounded by family.He was the greatest man I ever knew and has played a huge role in helping me be the person that I am today. I know that parts of his legacy lives on in me and in the hearts of others because he loved and invested in our lives.

The Porcelain Bowl Volume 4 Edition 2

The porcelain bowl
Volume 4 Edition 2
What’s Love Got to Do With It?
I.Quips and Quotes
II. Catch 22
III. Things you wished you asked but never have…

Quips and Quotes
“Loves in need of love today” Stevie Wonder

Catch 22

Post sweetest day I have had some thoughts. Thoughts on how things get manipulated and get changed about love and what goes on with humanity as we perceive and engage infatuation. The point remains where do we get the idea to be pumped out about infatuation?Origins and Facts About Sweetest Day Observed the 3rd Saturday in the month of October, Sweetest Day observance originated in Cleveland in 1922. Herbert Birch Kingston, a philanthropist and candy company employee wanted to bring happiness into the lives of orphans, shut-ins and others who were forgotten. With the help of friends, he began to distribute candy and small gifts to the underprivileged.On the first Sweetest Day, movie star Ann Pennington presented 2,200 Cleveland newspaper boys with boxes of candy to express gratitude for their service to the public. Another popular movie star, Theda Bara, distributed 10,000 boxes of candy to people in Cleveland hospitals and also gave candy to all who came to watch her film in a local theater. Primarily a regional observance celebrated in the Great Lakes region and the Northeast, Sweetest Day is gradually spreading to other areas of the country. People tend to take the Sweetest Day tradition with them when they move. Ohio is the top state for Sweetest Day sales, followed by Michigan and Illinois. Texas, California and Florida are among the top 10 states in sales.
\r\nOver the years, Sweetest Day has evolved into a time to express romantic love and also to show appreciation to friends.\r\nNow, here is my thing, why has this transformed into this hallmark holiday that sometimes leaves many women feeling unworthy or unwanted. Things are never as they seem to be. Bump that! Love is more complex then how we use it. I love chicken. I love my mama. Does that mean I love them the same? The language about love is so diluted in America that we don\'t even know what we are talking about or loving about. So let’s talk about it. Is it Infatuation, Romantic Love, or Chemistry? Chemistry and Infatuation in Romantic Love and Marriage: Romantic love is blinded by infatuation or chemistry. It ends when anticipations become expectations. Chemistry fuels romantic love and infatuation with actual chemicals in our brains. Infatuation is a chemical high! Is your true love a Lust Junkie? Lust junkies are addicted to the chemistry of love. As love\'s chemicals wane, love junkies leave relationship of search of chemical lust "highs." \r\n According to Dr. Helen Fisher from Rutgers University, when you are infatuated with someone the chemical stimulant Dopamine, this is what causes you to be excited. This chemical also cranks up the production of testosterone. At this point you are also producing more norepinephrine, which is a neurotransmitter that further stimulates your sex drive and is also associated with increased memory. That is why you have the ability to recall all the intimate details, your brain is allowing you the ability to cherish such moments. However the downfall of the production of norepinephrine is that it hampers your ability to focus on other important things in your life and this is why some people never figure out how to practice balance (this mostly happens to women for reasons I have not found out yet). \r\n The effects of dopamine is that sometimes you become addicted to your significant other like they were a drug. This also means that when you begin to not get what you want, you become depressed and passive-aggressive. Serotonin, which keeps us calm and happy drops 40 percent in production when we are in that infatuation stage. This is why so many women will spend hours over analyzing what a man meant in the tone he said good-bye. The phase of romantic love lasts 6-18 months. So when the glossiness of such relationships chisel off, and you want to reconnect with people, don\'t get mad when you realize that you had burnt some bridges. When you stop getting phone calls or invites; when the balance is totally off; when you trade off friendships for this new relationship, and your friends wonder what happened to you; Love is an addition to your life, it should never be subtracting.",1]
);
//-->
Over the years, Sweetest Day has evolved into a time to express romantic love and also to show appreciation to friends.Now, here is my thing, why has this transformed into this hallmark holiday that sometimes leaves many women feeling unworthy or unwanted. Things are never as they seem to be. Bump that! Love is more complex then how we use it. I love chicken. I love my mama. Does that mean I love them the same? The language about love is so diluted in America that we don't even know what we are talking about or loving about. So let’s talk about it. Is it Infatuation, Romantic Love, or Chemistry? Chemistry and Infatuation in Romantic Love and Marriage: Romantic love is blinded by infatuation or chemistry. It ends when anticipations become expectations. Chemistry fuels romantic love and infatuation with actual chemicals in our brains. Infatuation is a chemical high! Is your true love a Lust Junkie? Lust junkies are addicted to the chemistry of love. As love's chemicals wane, love junkies leave relationship of search of chemical lust "highs." According to Dr. Helen Fisher from Rutgers University, when you are infatuated with someone the chemical stimulant Dopamine, this is what causes you to be excited. This chemical also cranks up the production of testosterone. At this point you are also producing more norepinephrine, which is a neurotransmitter that further stimulates your sex drive and is also associated with increased memory. That is why you have the ability to recall all the intimate details, your brain is allowing you the ability to cherish such moments. However the downfall of the production of norepinephrine is that it hampers your ability to focus on other important things in your life and this is why some people never figure out how to practice balance (this mostly happens to women for reasons I have not found out yet). The effects of dopamine is that sometimes you become addicted to your significant other like they were a drug. This also means that when you begin to not get what you want, you become depressed and passive-aggressive. Serotonin, which keeps us calm and happy drops 40 percent in production when we are in that infatuation stage. This is why so many women will spend hours over analyzing what a man meant in the tone he said good-bye. The phase of romantic love lasts 6-18 months. So when the glossiness of such relationships chisel off, and you want to reconnect with people, don't get mad when you realize that you had burnt some bridges. When you stop getting phone calls or invites; when the balance is totally off; when you trade off friendships for this new relationship, and your friends wonder what happened to you; Love is an addition to your life, it should never be subtracting.
\r\n Love is more than emotions. Love is about mutual respect and devotion. It is sacrifice and hard work. It is commitment and service. The myth of love is easy. Infatuation and feelings are easy because your body reacts without much cognitive use. Love is the conscious and logical decision to move past the superficial intimacy and connecting on the metacognitive/spiritual dimension of humanity. It is saying that, here I am with all my flaws, failures and insecurities and your partner can forgive and embrace all of who you were and currently are. And then your partner is willing to be with you still and open themselves up just as honest and raw.\r\n This is not a crash course of six weeks. Love takes time and it is a process. Infatuation does not take time. That is why our divorce rate is so high. Rushing into a life of commitment and not knowing anything about ourselves and the potential candidate makes the union that much more difficult. Even with college, most people don\'t reach autonomy even by the age of 26. (These studies support why not taking care of personal development comes back in the form of a mid life crisis.)\r\n Again, emotions are easy to run to but most people invest in emotions and never learn to deal with love and this is why divorce occurs so often. Sex and emotions are not enough to sustain a relationship. Sadly, the generation before us hasn\'t taught, modeled, or documented how to do this well. And because of our consumer society, most folks don\'t want to take the time to care. In fact, many of you did not make it to the end of this monologue.\r\nThings you wished you knew but never asked:\r\n Do our ears continue to grow as we get older?\r\nSorry fellas but it is true. This along with noses. It is due to the cartilage growing. ah, the golden years!\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n",0]
);
//-->
Love is more than emotions. Love is about mutual respect and devotion. It is sacrifice and hard work. It is commitment and service. The myth of love is easy. Infatuation and feelings are easy because your body reacts without much cognitive use. Love is the conscious and logical decision to move past the superficial intimacy and connecting on the metacognitive/spiritual dimension of humanity. It is saying that, here I am with all my flaws, failures and insecurities and your partner can forgive and embrace all of who you were and currently are. And then your partner is willing to be with you still and open themselves up just as honest and raw. This is not a crash course of six weeks. Love takes time and it is a process. Infatuation does not take time. That is why our divorce rate is so high. Rushing into a life of commitment and not knowing anything about ourselves and the potential candidate makes the union that much more difficult. Even with college, most people don't reach autonomy even by the age of 26. (These studies support why not taking care of personal development comes back in the form of a mid life crisis.) Again, emotions are easy to run to but most people invest in emotions and never learn to deal with love and this is why divorce occurs so often. Sex and emotions are not enough to sustain a relationship. Sadly, the generation before us hasn't taught, modeled, or documented how to do this well. And because of our consumer society, most folks don't want to take the time to care. In fact, many of you did not make it to the end of this monologue.Things you wished you knew but never asked: Do our ears continue to grow as we get older?Sorry fellas but it is true. This along with noses. It is due to the cartilage growing. ah, the golden years!

Gal Pal Post Volume 4 Edition 2

Gal Pal Post Volume 4 Edition 2What’s Love Got to Do With It?
I.Quips and Quotes
II. Inner Diva Thoughts
III. Things you wished you asked but never have…
Quips and Quotes
“Loves in need of love today”
Stevie Wonder

Inner Diva Thoughts
Post sweetest day I have had some thoughts. Thoughts on how things get manipulated and get changed about love and what goes on with humanity as we perceive and engage infatuation. The point remains where do we get the idea to be pumped out about infatuation?Origins and Facts About Sweetest Day Observed the 3rd Saturday in the month of October, Sweetest Day observance originated in Cleveland in 1922. Herbert Birch Kingston, a philanthropist and candy company employee wanted to bring happiness into the lives of orphans, shut-ins and others who were forgotten. With the help of friends, he began to distribute candy and small gifts to the underprivileged.On the first Sweetest Day, movie star Ann Pennington presented 2,200 Cleveland newspaper boys with boxes of candy to express gratitude for their service to the public. Another popular movie star, Theda Bara, distributed 10,000 boxes of candy to people in Cleveland hospitals and also gave candy to all who came to watch her film in a local theater. Primarily a regional observance celebrated in the Great Lakes region and the Northeast, Sweetest Day is gradually spreading to other areas of the country. People tend to take the Sweetest Day tradition with them when they move. Ohio is the top state for Sweetest Day sales, followed by Michigan and Illinois. Texas, California and Florida are among the top 10 states in sales.
\r\nOver the years, Sweetest Day has evolved into a time to express romantic love and also to show appreciation to friends.\r\nNow, here is my thing, why has this transformed into this hallmark holiday that sometimes leaves many women feeling unworthy or unwanted. Bump that! Love is more complex then how we use it. I love chicken. I love my mama. Does that mean I love them the same? The language about love is so diluted in America that we don’t even know what we are talking about or loving about. So let’s talk about it. Is it Infatuation, Romantic Love, or Chemistry? Chemistry and Infatuation in Romantic Love and Marriage: Romantic love is blinded by infatuation or chemistry. It ends when anticipations become expectations. Chemistry fuels romantic love and infatuation with actual chemicals in our brains. Infatuation is a chemical high! Is your true love a Lust Junkie? Lust junkies are addicted to the chemistry of love. As love\'s chemicals wane, love junkies leave relationship of search of chemical lust "highs." \r\n According to Dr. Helen Fisher from Rutgers University, when you are infatuated with someone the chemical stimulant Dopamine, this is what causes you to be excited. This chemical also cranks up the production of testosterone. At this point you are also producing more norepinephrine, which is a neurotransmitter that further stimulates your sex drive and is also associated with increased memory. That is why you have the ability to recall all the intimate details, your brain is allowing you the ability to cherish such moments. However the downfall of the production of norepinephrine is that it hampers your ability to focus on other important things in your life and this is why some people never figure out how to practice balance (this mostly happens to women for reasons I have not found out yet). \r\n The effects of dopamine is that sometimes you become addicted to your significant other like they were a drug. This also means that when you begin to not get what you want, you become depressed and passive-aggressive. Serotonin, which keeps us calm and happy drops 40 percent in production when we are in that infatuation stage. This is why so many women will spend hours over analyzing what a man meant in the tone he said good-bye. The phase of romantic love lasts 6-18 months. So when the glossiness of such relationships chisel off, and you want to reconnect with people, don\'t get mad when you realize that you had burnt some bridges. When you stop getting phone calls or invites; when the balance is totally off; when you trade off friendships for this new relationship, and your friends wonder what happened to you; Love is an addition to your life, it should never be subtracting.",1]
);
//-->
Over the years, Sweetest Day has evolved into a time to express romantic love and also to show appreciation to friends.Now, here is my thing, why has this transformed into this hallmark holiday that sometimes leaves many women feeling unworthy or unwanted. Bump that! Love is more complex then how we use it. I love chicken. I love my mama. Does that mean I love them the same? The language about love is so diluted in America that we don’t even know what we are talking about or loving about. So let’s talk about it. Is it Infatuation, Romantic Love, or Chemistry? Chemistry and Infatuation in Romantic Love and Marriage: Romantic love is blinded by infatuation or chemistry. It ends when anticipations become expectations. Chemistry fuels romantic love and infatuation with actual chemicals in our brains. Infatuation is a chemical high! Is your true love a Lust Junkie? Lust junkies are addicted to the chemistry of love. As love's chemicals wane, love junkies leave relationship of search of chemical lust "highs." According to Dr. Helen Fisher from Rutgers University, when you are infatuated with someone the chemical stimulant Dopamine, this is what causes you to be excited. This chemical also cranks up the production of testosterone. At this point you are also producing more norepinephrine, which is a neurotransmitter that further stimulates your sex drive and is also associated with increased memory. That is why you have the ability to recall all the intimate details, your brain is allowing you the ability to cherish such moments. However the downfall of the production of norepinephrine is that it hampers your ability to focus on other important things in your life and this is why some people never figure out how to practice balance (this mostly happens to women for reasons I have not found out yet). The effects of dopamine is that sometimes you become addicted to your significant other like they were a drug. This also means that when you begin to not get what you want, you become depressed and passive-aggressive. Serotonin, which keeps us calm and happy drops 40 percent in production when we are in that infatuation stage. This is why so many women will spend hours over analyzing what a man meant in the tone he said good-bye. The phase of romantic love lasts 6-18 months. So when the glossiness of such relationships chisel off, and you want to reconnect with people, don't get mad when you realize that you had burnt some bridges. When you stop getting phone calls or invites; when the balance is totally off; when you trade off friendships for this new relationship, and your friends wonder what happened to you; Love is an addition to your life, it should never be subtracting.
\r\n Love is more than emotions. Love is about mutual respect and devotion. It is sacrifice and hard work. It is commitment and service. The myth of love is easy. Infatuation and feelings are easy because your body reacts without much cognitive use. Love is the conscious and logical decision to move past the superficial intimacy and connecting on the metacognitive/spiritual dimension of humanity. It is saying that, here I am with all my flaws, failures and insecurities and your partner can forgive and embrace all of who you were and currently are. And then your partner is willing to be with you still and open themselves up just as honest and raw.\r\n This is not a crash course of six weeks. Love takes time and it is a process. Infatuation does not take time. That is why our divorce rate is so high. Rushing into a life of commitment and not knowing anything about ourselves and the potential candidate makes the union that much more difficult. Even with college, most people don\'t reach autonomy even by the age of 26. (These studies support why not taking care of personal development comes back in the form of a mid life crisis.)\r\n Again, emotions are easy to run to but most people invest in emotions and never learn to deal with love and this is why divorce occurs so often. Sex and emotions are not enough to sustain a relationship. Sadly, the generation before us hasn\'t taught, modeled, or documented how to do this well. And because of our consumer society, most folks don\'t want to take the time to care. In fact, many of you did not make it to the end of this monologue.\r\nThings you wished you knew but never asked:\r\n Why does hair turn gray?\r\nAll the hairs on our head contain pigment cells that contain melanin. These cells in our hair follicles die as we age. The decrease in melanin causes hair to become more transparent colors like gray, silver, and white. Premature gray hair is hereditary. But it also has been associated with smoking and vitamin deficiency. ",1]
Love is more than emotions. Love is about mutual respect and devotion. It is sacrifice and hard work. It is commitment and service. The myth of love is easy. Infatuation and feelings are easy because your body reacts without much cognitive use. Love is the conscious and logical decision to move past the superficial intimacy and connecting on the metacognitive/spiritual dimension of humanity. It is saying that, here I am with all my flaws, failures and insecurities and your partner can forgive and embrace all of who you were and currently are. And then your partner is willing to be with you still and open themselves up just as honest and raw. This is not a crash course of six weeks. Love takes time and it is a process. Infatuation does not take time. That is why our divorce rate is so high. Rushing into a life of commitment and not knowing anything about ourselves and the potential candidate makes the union that much more difficult. Even with college, most people don't reach autonomy even by the age of 26. (These studies support why not taking care of personal development comes back in the form of a mid life crisis.) Again, emotions are easy to run to but most people invest in emotions and never learn to deal with love and this is why divorce occurs so often. Sex and emotions are not enough to sustain a relationship. Sadly, the generation before us hasn't taught, modeled, or documented how to do this well. And because of our consumer society, most folks don't want to take the time to care. In fact, many of you did not make it to the end of this monologue.Things you wished you knew but never asked: Why does hair turn gray?All the hairs on our head contain pigment cells that contain melanin. These cells in our hair follicles die as we age. The decrease in melanin causes hair to become more transparent colors like gray, silver, and white. Premature gray hair is hereditary. But it also has been associated with smoking and vitamin deficiency.

The porcelain Bowl Vol 3 Edition 7

The Porcelain Bowl Vol. 3 Edition 7
Quotes
Catch 22
Things you may have never considered (new section)

Quips and Quotes
“If you stand up and be counted, from time to time you may get yourself knocked down. But remember this: a man flattened by an opponent can get up again. A man flattened by conformity stays down for good.” Thomas Watson

Catch 22 (Patty notes: sometimes I just find something where they say it best, so leave it alone, but as always, take these things with a grain of salt.)
English essayist Joseph Addison once observed, "The greatest sweetener of human life is Friendship." At his best, a friend should be honest, caring, good humored, helpful, intelligent, loyal, and, if possible, able to score you courtside tickets for a Lakers game. Mind you, finding a single person with all of those enviable qualities is about as easy as finding a supermodel at a Dungeons and Dragons convention. It's little wonder that French novelist Anais Nin remarked, "I cannot concentrate all my friendship on any single one of my friends because no one is complete enough in himself."

What you need are multiple friends, each with a unique specialization. Here, then, are the men you need riding in your posse.

1. The Drinking Buddy
A master at darts, shuffleboard and any other game during which beer is consumed, your drinking buddy is your right-hand man when it comes to downing ridiculous amounts of alcohol. He'll egg you on when you need it and call you a "panty waist" when he must, all while drinking Ireland under the table. Chances are you've been going out to bars with him for nearly half your life and you still only know him by his nickname.

Why he's an asset: Not only does he have your back in the event of a rowdy bar fight, he's also willing to buy rounds in order to get the party started.
Let's be honest: He might not be much of a designated driver and his financial advice is misguided at best, but no one's better when it comes to anchoring your boat race.

2. The Lovable Loser
He's 34 years old, he never finished college and he sleeps in his parents' basement next to the washer and dryer. To make matters worse, his job requires him to wear a hairnet and remove bubblegum from the undersides of high school desks. Sure, he might not have much going for him, but he's never too busy to return your calls.
Why he's an asset: No matter how bad you have it, he'll always have it worse. If you get a chill, he'll get pneumonia. If you get a cold, he'll come down with avian flu. If you get a beautiful girlfriend... well, the point is he's always available to hold the video camera. Who wouldn't want a friend like that? You need a guy who can actually give you some good advice and a buddy who'll worship the ground you walk on.

3. The Mentor
Unlike all of your other friends, the mentor actually has his act together. He dresses well, he's held in high esteem by others and he's achieved success in ways you can only dream of.
Why he's an asset: Apart from being able to pick up the occasional dinner bill, he's also a fountain of good advice. He's been where you want to go and knows all the pitfalls you're likely to encounter along the way. While your other buddies can give you advice on how to crush beer cans on your head, his perspective can actually help you in your career.

4. The Opposite Sex Friend
She's your tour guide into the freakish inner workings of the female mind, an invaluable spy in the battle of the sexes who has been to the other side and back. She may be a cousin, a former lover or a childhood friend (or all three if you live in Kentucky).
Why she's an asset: Her jump shot is dreadful and she throws like a girl, but she makes up for it by helping you to buy clothes and interpreting your girlfriend's psycho rants. Her brutally honest advice might even help you get laid. As if that weren't enough, she's also your fallback date for big events when other women are too busy "washing their hair."

5. The Admirer
Whether he's your lackey at work or the worst player on your softball team, he's the misguided soul who's chosen you as his role model. For reasons that are lost upon most, he looks up to you in every conceivable way. If it weren't for the fact that you acknowledge his presence, your admirer would very quickly become your stalker.
Why he's an asset: Since he holds you in such high esteem, your admirer will boast about your feats to anyone who will listen -- especially women. You can't pay for PR like that.

6. The Single Guy
A bachelor to the nth degree, the single guy lives life by his rules and has the stories (and tattoos) to prove it. Uncompromising in every way, he reports to no one and is always first in line for a raucous boys' night out.
Why he's an asset: Whenever you need a 10th guy for basketball or someone to kick the party into high gear, you can be certain the single guy isn't out having cucumber sandwiches with the in-laws. He prevents you from getting into impossibly complicated relationships and reminds you of the sweet taste of freedom. He's up for anything, including dozens of activities currently prohibited by state and federal laws.

7. The Connected Guy
Need a mechanic? He knows one, good and cheap. In trouble with the law? No problem, he knows a top-notch lawyer who just happens to owe him a favor. Affable and eager to help, this friend has more connections than Kevin Bacon.
Why he's an asset: In short, he knows someone everywhere and is always willing to hook you up -- just make sure to repay the favor. The guy who won't let you get away with skipping the gym, the one who helps you pick up and the most important friend a man can have

8. The Rich Guy
Incredibly wealthy and unbelievably generous, the rich guy is the friend you've dreamt of since boyhood. He has all the best toys and his lavish parties frequently get written up in your local newspaper. Best of all, you know he's good for bail money! Why he's an asset: In addition to his ability to get you into any club, every now and again you actually get to house-sit one of his sprawling mansions (Beautiful Euro Trash sadly not included) or borrow one of his impossibly expensive toys.
9. The Fitness Guy
A combination of Tony Little and Dr. Phil, this friend has the uncanny ability to inspire your body, mind and soul. He's a trusted companion in the weight room who will make sure you stay focused no matter how many hard female bodies are bent over the nautilus equipment.
Why he's an asset: He motivates you to stay in shape and spots you in the weight room. As long as you take his advice, you'll never get scurvy... again.

10. The Hapless Married Guy
Despite being your age, he already has 2.3 children, a lofty mortgage and a wife who makes Genghis Khan look like a philanthropist. Although he'll never admit it, you're reasonably certain she has his testicles locked away in her purse.
Why he's an asset: Above all else, he reminds you of the intrinsic value of staying single. One look at his weary face and stooped shoulders are enough to make you never want to commit again. As an added bonus, he can also tell you which couches offer the best night's sleep.

11. The Wingman
Like a Tonto to your Lone Ranger, the wingman's goal in life is to make sure you get lucky. He's there to brag about your prowess, back up your laughable lies and cockblock the competition. Why he's an asset: Easily one of your most selfless friends, the wingman is always willing to take one for the team. When absolutely necessary, he'll even slow dance with your pickup's Sasquatch-like friend just so you can have some alone time.

Honorable mention
Your Dog
No matter how you stack it, he's your very best friend. He's always happy to see you at the end of the day, he doesn't mind that you smoke cigars in the house and he's always available for road trips.
Why he's an asset: With his playful spirit and puppyish charm, he's a first-rate babe magnet at parks and fairs, and his loyalty is also off the charts. If any of your other friends could lick their crotch, you'd never see them again, but when Fido does it, it's strangely endearing.


A friend indeed
You can't pick your family, but you can certainly pick your friends, so make sure that each one serves their purpose. And just remember: You serve a purpose too. Now get out there and buddy up.

By Ryan Murphy (not to be confused with WB Ryan)


Things you may have never considered:
Signs You're Burnt Out

10. You're so tired you now answer the phone, 'Hell.'
9. Your friends call to ask how you've been and you immediately scream, 'Get off my back, bitch!'
8. Your garbage can IS your 'in' box.
7. You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care.
6. You have so much on your mind; you've forgotten how to pee.
5. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday.
4. You sleep more at work than at home.
3. You leave for a party and instinctively bring your ID badge.
2. You blasted your Daily Planner with a .357 Magnum a week ago, but still haven't been able to miss a meeting.
1. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.

Gal pal post vol 3 edition 7

Gal Pal PostVolume 3 Edition 7
Extended Service Edition
Quote of the Week
On the Flip Side: Jessie’s Trip to India

Quips and Quotes:
“Never Give up, This may be your moment for a miracle.” Greg Anderson

On the Flip Side:
[Patty’s notes: I really wanted to give Jessie the opportunity to tell her story. I hope that all of you are inspired and if one goal you could make this year is to find one way to help. I have found that we can all do a little more…]

Heartbreaking. Humbling. Life-changing. If I had three words to sum up my recent trip to India, those would be my choices.

On June 17, 2005 I stepped onto the airplane for that long awaited moment. The opportunity of a lifetime was about to happen. I was about to embark on a journey that would forever change the way I see the world and life as it is. I was on my way to India to meet Lal Prasad, the child I had been sponsoring through Compassion International. For the next two weeks of my life, I would get a glimpse into his world.

I hadn't slept at all the night before my departure. I was awake with anticipation and excitement. Many thoughts weaved themselves in and out of my mind as I lay awake staring at the ceiling. What was his culture like? How would I be accepted? Was he as excited about meeting me as I was about him?

When I stepped off of the airplane, I was in for the biggest culture shock of my life. I was not prepared for what the next two weeks had in store for me. Our flight landed very early. As we exited the airport around 6 a.m., I was immediately surprised at how many people were standing around outside the airport. There were people lined up everywhere, people laying on towels on the ground, people driving cars, riding bicycles, honking horns, etc.., We were greeted by Compassion staff who had been waiting there for hours for our plane to arrive. They waved and smiled when we arrived. I could sense their enthusiasm. We all piled onto our bus for a brief ride back to the hotel.

We had not been on the bus for very long when the depth of the poverty there became very evident to me. Lining the sides of the roads were people living in tent like structures. Children were running around in the dirt and trash without shoes, and many without being fully clothed. People were sleeping wherever they could find a shady spot,and many laying right out in the open. I knew this was only the beginning of some of the things that I was about to see.

The next day, we visited a Compassion project and did several home visits of children who were sponsored. I was appalled at the living conditions. Most of the homes we visited consisted of either one or two rooms. An entire family, and sometimes extended family lived there. None of them had any source of indoor plumbing. The day I was there it reached 110 degrees and very high humidity. I couldn't imagine how somebody could survive in these extremes without any drinking water in their house, and certainly no air-conditioning. Most of them didn't even have a bed in the home. Despite these conditions, all of the children greeted us with smiles and laughter. They seemed pretty content with what they had.

I met many children and visited other projects, but I was still impatiently waiting to meet that one special child. Throughout my trip, my anticipation grew much greater. The day finally came that I met my child. Lal and his father had come 9 hours by train to meet me. Lal was very quiet and didn't speak much, but I knew that this was a very special moment for him too. After I met him, he pulled his backpack out and opened it up. He pulled out a stack of papers. He had kept every single letter that i had ever written him since I have sponsored him! I was at a loss for words. I felt a lump in my throat as I fumbled through the letters. It was at that moment that I realized the impact of my sponsorship had on his life. I knew that he was at a loss for words too. The only way he knew how to express his affection for me was to reach over and take my hand. He did not want to let go of my hand for most of the day.

Some of the images I saw in India keep flashing through my head. I don't want to let them be forgotten. It was there in a place 10,000 miles from home that I learned some of the greatest life lessons. I came back home faced with the question "When is enough enough?" At what point do I have enough things, enough material possessions to be content with, enough money to be happy with? Why is it only human nature to want more of what will not make us happy? Why is it so easy to only focus on self? And why can't we reach out and help those who don't have enough? Why is it that we have money to spend on movies, going out to dinner and entertaining ourselves, but don't have the money to help others?

I was challenged with a whole array of emotions as I asked myself if I was doing enough to help those who are lacking. I was forced to ask myself "Is there something more that I can do to take care of those who are in need?" I knew that I had to address these pressing questions that were heavy on my heart. Towards the end of my trip I talked to my husband over the phone. I knew that he must have been going through some of the same internal turmoil that I was. He suggested that we get rid of our cable TV and use that money to sponsor another child. I knew what needed to be done. I left India sponsoring five-year old Simran. If anybody were to ask me "Is it worth it?" Every time I see her picture and smiling face-yes, she is worth every episode of Trading Spaces that I will miss.

To learn more about the work of Compassion around the world click here:http://www.compassion.com/sponsor/index.asp?referer=60710

Jessica Hoffman

Editors note:This was Jessie’s way of reaching out to others and doing something great. I think that if Compassion is not for you, that is fine. Every one has a talent or dollar or time that they can give to help someone else. Remember “Service is our rent for living.”

Gal Pal POst Vol 3 Edition 3

Gal Pal PostVolume 3 Edition 3
Becoming Your Own Wonder Woman

Quote of the Week
"Don't ever be someone's slogan when you are poetry."

Inner Diva Speak
How can a gal have courage under fire?
Many times I have had gal pals ask me about how am I so brave. I never really thought of myself as brave. I believe that life experience has made me bold. To use the discipline of acting out on courage even though that apparent characteristic was something I did not have at that time. All this I thought about as gal pal Danielle and I were at this novelty shop where all this cool superhero stuff was being sold. "It is the summit of courage that demonstrates how willing we are to grow and stretch ourselves to better than we were yesterday. Paula Giddings wrote, "I am old enough to know that victory is often a thing deferred, and rarely at the summit of courage. What is at the summit of courage, I think, is freedom. The freedom that comes with the knowledge that no earthly thing can break you.

"If the little rock nine were not courageous then segregation would still be the way Arkansas does business. If Charlie Brown lacked the courage to get back up every time Lucy took the football away he would have never been ready to go to Paris in Bon Voyage! Charlie Brown! (ha ha) With that said I do think that there is a formula for becoming your own superhero. You gotta have the courage to become a better person. Never be content with who you are, remember that there is always room for improvement at some level of your personhood. You gotta have the courage to believe in a dream. Learn to sow your own seeds of contemplation. You gotta have the courage to start over again. If at first you don't succeed...try, try again. And when you operate as a hero remember that; a hero forgives, a hero explores, and a hero uncovers the truth.

Life is more than just about you, and any hero with super powers doesn't just sit on their gifts, they share them and give back to other people, even those who seemingly don't deserve it.There are tons of examples of women and people who have become heroes or sheroes in their own rite. But I challenge all of you to define that for yourself and learn to be your own wonder woman. She SpeaksOne of my favorite shows for like a hot minute was the Nanny. I really like Fran Drescher even when she did the Old Navy commercials. I read an article recently that she wrote about how she got over herself. I think that she spoke a lot of wisdom and so I hope that her wisdom shines through these long series of quotes that I share with you all.

"maybe because I was sick-and because old habits die hard- I turned our relationship into a hero-worship thing. If I was offered a job that would take me away from him to New York for six month, I turned it down. I didn't want to make plans with my girlfriends unless I knew that he had plans with his guy friends. The relationship was fast becoming unhealthy-he was miserable and he was making me miserable, too.

At last I said, 'I don't know what your problem is. I'm not making any demands on you." He said, 'maybe we should just end it now.' First I felt shock-then devastation. It felt more like an amputation than a break up. A week later I went to a celebrity tennis tournament in Florida and met a guy who was performing in a band. I was completely attracted to him and thought, 'this isn't going to be so hard.' Well, that guy turned out to be married and almost two years later I still haven't met any one with the qualities of my ex-boyfriend., though God knows, I've tried.

It hasn't been easy. Ultimately I've had to learn to be happy with myself. I used to have terrible anxiety about growing old alone or getting sick again and not having someone to be there for me. Now I understand that a healthy relationship is two people living separate lives together. In the meantime I am living my life fully. I've grown more in the two years since my boyfriend and I split than I did during the time that we were together. And I plan to keep growing, so I don't make the same mistakes the next go around."

That was great and deep.

Keep it real wonder women and go bucks!!!!!!!!!

The Porcelain Bowl Vol. 3 edition 6

The Porcelain Bowl
Attitude of Gratitude Part III of III
Quotes
Catch 22
Things you may have never considered (new section)

Quote of the Week:
From one white boy to a small audience of friends, including me, and if you know how I roll, I always have a little notebook to write down such notable moments:“don't mess with thunder and lightning, you don't want to get in the middle of this storm”this is in reference to his biceps…now that is even better than getting welcomed to the “gun show” or the “pit”

Catch 22
The Practices of Gratitude
I guess the pressing question on many of your minds is how to really change or put this new perception of attitude into practice. Well some wise person once said, “love is spelled a-c-t-i-o-n.” In order to really incorporate a practice in your life, you have to act. It can’t be this thought that has no follow through. So first, we have to remember to EXERCISE DAILY that attitude of gratitude. "I once was distraught because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet." Unknown. We all have a lot to be grateful for and just need to reinforce that truth with a change in our attitude and at the same time practicing this change in order to make it permanent. We also need to CHOSE GRATEFULNESS IN SPITE OF the unfortunate happenings. We waste time if we think that waiting for everything to be okay in life in order to feel thankful. At the start and end of each day, instead of listing what went wrong as a report for the day, start reflecting on all the things that went right.

REVEL IN THE ORDINARY and don’t settle that there is no greatness in the ordinary. Every time I see a full moon I am mesmerized. It is so awesome to me that something that is over a third the size of the Earth just hangs there in the night. Okay, maybe a part of me is a hopeless romantic, but it is amazing "Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so." Mary Jean Iron had it right with these words, normalcy is something to be grateful for as well.

Everything is a matter of where you choose to put your attention. You have to remember to APPRECIATE THE ORDINARY. DOING THE WORK OF FORGIVENESS is also important. “Nothing blocks feelings of gratitude more than anger and resentment. The practice of gratitude requires the work of forgiveness. Forgiveness is what moves us from a victim stance to a freedom of psychological and/or spiritual dimensions.” I think an example that I can share that you all may relate to is my own relationship with my mother. I cannot blame anyone for how she treated me as a child. She had her own issues to deal with. But when I was old enough and mature enough to develop my own mind about life, I knew I could either forgive her and help her to help herself or I could be angry the rest of my life and have a non-relationship with my only parent. The power in that statement is that regardless of what had been done to me or by me, I had a choice of how to respond. No matter what there is a choice.

In operating out of gratitude, we should PRACTICE WONDERMENT. Many times children are enchanted by frogs, tree houses, sandlots, and how the sun rises. Even the march of the penguins. We as adults loose the ability to be amazed in wonder because we have allowed life circumstances to make us numb. By infusing wonderment into everyday life, this helps shape the attitude of gratitude. Don’t give into the “grass is greener” ideology either. DON’T COMPARE yourself to others. Happiness is not in a house or new car. Happiness is an inside job. Remember that envy stunts growth.

DEVELOP A GOOD MEMORY, or if you are like me, write things down. Recall with your heart the nice things that people have done for you. Focus on what is right. It is easy for all of us to overlook what is right. GIVE THANKS FOR YOUR BODY. In a time where society focuses so much on body image and fads, remember that having a sound body and mind is a blessing. Don’t give in to the hype about buying things to alter your body or getting surgery to fix stuff. You don’t need to be fixed, you are beautiful already. SAY THANK YOU as often as possible, even for the little things. You will appreciate them more. And something you may never have thought of before, WRITE A THANK YOU LETTER TO YOURSELF of what you are grateful for because of you!!! Yes, that is right! A love note to yourself. That’s hot. Remember that balance in life is a path you pave your own. Me being the DIVA means I probably can spend less time on self then others need to because I have a great self love and spend all that other time trying to love others. For some, they still know need to learn how to love themselves and at the same time figure out what it means to love other folks. Life is a process of figuring out how to be gracious, and I hope this three part series helped all of you.

Things you may have never considered:
This section is to share with you tidbits of knowledge for your everyday life…

The Energy Bar-according to Dr. Mehmet Oz, says that eating these fad foods is like “driving a hummer in the city.” They were designed for athletes. In fact if they have less that three grams of fiber, they will probably make you constipated…

.Since you all brought up poop, according to Dr. Robert Provine (psychology), the reason that men are more amused by jokes that single out one person for their behavior. So when a dude farts among other dudes, it is the funniest thing ever…however this laughter among friends (when done in good fun) is pivotal to male bonding. That is why when crass jokes are cracked, sometimes at someone else’s expense, it is tolerated for the greater good.

So with that said, don’t hurt people feelings, but the important part of that snapshot is that male bonding is important, and laughter helps facilitate that.

Look for family outtakes in the next. Until then, keep it classy.