The Porcelain Bowl Volume 5 Issue 6

The Porcelain Bowl
Volume 5 Issue 6
What have you done today to feel proud series
Quips and Quotes
Catch 22- The Adonis Complex
Ebonics Lesson
Last Word-gender language


Quips and Quotes:
“If I accept you as you are, I will make you worse; however if I treat you as though you are what you are capable of becoming, I help you become that” -GoetheCatch 22-The Adonis ComplexSo, what is muscle dysmorphia, bigorexia nervosa or reverse anorexia, megorexia nervosa, machismo nervosa, or the Adonis complex? Simply the fact that human beings are always perceiving themselves, but their evaluations are not always reliable. For instance, has someone at work, a club, or the gym ever commented on how big, cut or both you look? Maybe someone noted in casual conversation that you were the biggest person in the room. Did you smile and sincerely mumble something like "Don’t I wish" or "It must be this light?" Maybe, if the person was not into lifting, bodybuilding, or whatever you call what you do in the gym you attributed their observation to their ignorance. However, if we accept that the average weight trainer is probably stronger and/or bigger than the average or above average non-lifter then proponents would suggest that such responses might be an early sign of the Adonis complex.Pope frames male body image issues tightly on an ABC special. "Let me define the Adonis Complex in more detail. It refers to all types of body image preoccupations in boys and men. Some boys and men worry that they aren’t muscular enough; others worry that they aren’t lean enough and still others worry that they have some unattractive feature, such as hair, facial features, etc. All of these worries represent different forms of the Adonis Complex" ( http://204.202.137.117/onair/DailyNews/chat_pope991115.html). So, if you are male and worry that you are too small, too fat, or unattractive, in almost any way, then you might have the Adonis complex. But there is hope for you. Once you know that you are struggling with body issues, there is something that you can do about it. if you are not that healthy you can augment a life a change. Never look for a quick fix because you may be damaging your body rather than reshaping it. I spoke to a friend of mine who is a personal trainer and is earning his masters in nursing) and in that conversation immerged several tips he considers men should adhere to incorporate life change and not quick changes. (And really good tips for anyone.)
1. Eat four to six meals a day. Smaller meals a day aid in digestion and keep you from being hungry and habitually overeating.
2. Eat Breakfast. Even if it’s a fruit or cereal, make it happen. It kick starts your metabolism and helps your brain to function for the day.
3. Any activity is good activity. About twenty minutes a day can help your cardiovascular system and promote all around better health.
4. There needs to be six weeks of routine activity to see physiological changes. 5. Remember there are no quick fixes. Taking hunger suppressants or diet pills will not last long. And may even hurt your body. To prevent damage control, incorporate changes that will last a lifetime and not for a drive thru diet pick up!
6. There are no weight loss secrets, no machines with super powers, and no magical pills, products or supplements. Ebonics Lesson:Hot contrary mess- this is the highest of “messes” a mess could be physical (like your room or somebody’s outfit), mental (like going people wanting to have babies cause everyone in Hollywood is procreating), or situational (driving off the highway cause some turd ran you off the road or you forgot your mom’s birfday). This is the mess that is past “hot mess.”
Last Word Part 1 (part 2 in July)Take it from me, we just don’t understand…each other. Dr. Tannen is the leading person in gender based communication style. She notes that men and women do communicate with a gender bend to language but each are valuable and valid styles. Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting need for intimacy (a key in the world of connection where individuals negotiate complex networks of friendship, minimize differences, try to reach consensus, and avoid the appearance of superiority which would highlight differences) and independence (a primary means of establishing status to tell others what to do, and taking orders is a marker of low status). Although both men and women need both, women tend to focus on intimacy and men tend to focus on independence. The crux of her argument is that male-female conversation is cross cultural communication. For the most part, women establish rapport talk and desire to have confirmation of their feelings. Men establish report talk and exchange information as a means to problem solve. Tannen observes that when men report to one another on issues of trouble, they tend to not to try to establish a connection based on those emotions but relay another independent experience that parallels. A women would tend to want to relate an experience that is based on empathizing and will offer an experience that connects herself to that person. Understanding that most of communication styles are learned, this linguistical style of gender performance uses a chasm between men and women. As men get older they do want to be more connected but do not have the practice. Ironically, when women get older they want to have their issues solved but are not equipped to do so. Yet, at the same time each sex is comfortable in communicating in the style that they have learned. Now that you all have this knowledge, cultural or gender understanding must be married with practice. Next time we will discuss body language and how to put knowledge into practice.

I guess most of you were expecting me to finish the piece I had began on seasons of Life. I will but I felt something more pressing to discuss in the intermediate.


The Porcelain Bowl Volume 5 Edition 2
What have you done today to feel proud?
Grace and Mercy: A Better Version of Me
Last Word by: LTC E. P. Horvath, MC

Quips and Quotes:
One thing that I learned the hard way was it does not pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.” L. Ball

Catch 22
Sometimes, do you feel detached from emotions as if you are merely going through the motions or functions of life? That is the struggle of manhood is the balance to hold up societies’ definitions of manhood and how you are trying to define it for yourself. In seeking that balance, I challenge you all this year to operate out of mercy and grace. Why you ask? Good question. Acting out of Mercy means not giving people what they deserve. What does this mean? If people got what they deserved all the time, the world will be a horrible place to live. Think about it. We as material beings take away from the Earth when we should be good stewards of its resources. (I am that elect group who takes advantage as well.) And unless you live in a bubble, you contribute to the lack of Ozone layer over Chile and the reduction of rain forests from around 18% of the world to only 6%. The Amazon alone produces 20% of the world oxygen. If we keep destroying the Earth, the Earth has no other option but to seal our fates.IF we got what we deserved from Earth right now, the sentence would be land reforestation for people. For all the land we have mutilated, all the people would simply go away. If the Earth had the option to deal with us that harshly, would it? Or would the Earth be merciful? Each day that we pollute It and wreck It, I realize the Mercy that the planet shows us, though us humans really do not deserve it. What about an example that is not so tree-hugging hippyish (sorry to my girl Amy G.). What about the great Peacemakers of our time: Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Martin L. King Jr.. The social world did not deserve them. In fact, MLK was murdered for his humble work for civil rights and the poor. There are no Peacemakers that live currently that were like these folks. And while they walked this earth, they bestowed grace and mercy to most who crossed their paths. And what about Grace, or unmerited favor. When you attend college, there is the ten minute rule. If the professor fails to show up within ten minutes after the start of class, the class is over. If grace were that simple. Grace is love personified. It is the marriage of mercy and compassion. Grace begets patience and endurance and perseverance. There are times when you should have failed and didn't. There are times in my life when there was a way made out of no possible way. There were people in my life who cheered me to greatness and picked me up from the depths of despair. I never deserved any of such kindness, but it is found in the purity of our humanity. The ability to show mercy (undeserved treatment) by way of grace (unmerited favor) though we could not have earned that station nor could we have the means to repay for such actions bestowed on us. When we fall on the mud and trash of life (and believe me I have literally and figuratively succeeded in falling like this) that is when Grace and Mercy arrives. The unbelievable revelation here is that we can give grace and mercy to others. This giving of the human spirit helps us grow as individuals and brings peace in our lives. By participating in the Peacemakers examples, we access the essence of life, to give of ourselves by ways of time, gifts, talents, and possessions. And at this peak of compassion we become better versions of ourselves.

The Last Word
Restoring Relationships:Relationships are always worth restoring. Start by seeking wise counsel, don't simply gossip, it’s counter productive without any problem solving. Always take the initiative. Be on the offensive vs. defensive side. Sympathize with their feelings and don't be selfish with emotion. Confess your part of the conflict. Attack the problem and not the person. Cooperate as much as possible. Emphasize reconciliation not resolution. If the person does not want restoration after you have done all this, then let it go. After all, you are only human and there are limitations when the change has to come from both sides. Just try to work hard in living in peace with others.However remember this, sometimes people are in your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. So sometimes the relationship will end because that was finiteness of the experience.

Last last Word:
Special Excerpt from my gal pal Diane Horvath-Cosper’s Daddy who is 50+ and serving in Iraq right now. Let me explain. Dr. Horvath re-enlisted because for a list of reasons, one being that because he was a trains physician his skills could aid in the saving of young men’s lives who are serving our country and for him it also was a revelation of his faith. I am thankful for the fact Diane forwards these thoughts from her dad to some of her friends. I believe that his courage to serve when he did not have to demonstrates grace and mercy. He is extending himself to demonstrate love and compassion, and in so risking his life. Here is one of my favorite emails from him. Why are they so young?Why are they so young, these juvenile insurgents, these kid terrorists who want to kill Americans and their own countrymen? Some are mere boys--ages 12 to 17--and look even younger than that. Many do not even know their real age, medical records being so unreliable here after years of neglect. We actually have to take X-rays of their long bones to determine true chronological age; they are then "assigned" a new birthdate, usually January 1 of a given year. I've had the opportunity to examine and treat a number of adolescents over the past few days. Several were quite sick, and all were frightened, not only by their illness, but also by the circumstances of their detention. Like teenage boys everywhere, they tried to be brave and not cry, but some were unable to hold it in. The doctors, nurses, and medics did their best to comfort them. I'm certain many of the older healthcare personnel saw in these young faces reflections of their own children.Although at least half (perhaps more) are innocent, and here only for questioning, others are guilty of various crimes, up to and including, the killing of American soldiers. What manner of people, culture, religion, or political philosophy would induce their own children to commit such acts of violence? What to do with these kids? They would be easier to hate if they weren't so young, if they didn't look and act as my own children did at their ages. I spoke with them a lot, laughed a little, gave them some candy, and touched each on the forehead or cheek. I reflected on the difficult life awaiting most of them and did my best to maintain my composure. The tears came later that evening in the quiet, privacy, and darkness of my room. Why are they so young?

LTC E. P. Horvath, MC Chief, Professional Services 256th Combat Support Hospital Brooklyn, OH

The Porcelain Bowl Volume 5 Edition 1

The Porcelain Bowl Volume 5 Edition 1
"What Have You Done Today to Feel Proud"
The Seven Seasons Part 1

Quote of the Week:"Success in life has nothing to do with what you gain in life or accomplish yourself. It's what you do for others." Danny Thomas

Catch 22
There are seven seasons in a person's life. The seasons can be summed up as reflection, building, renewal, crisis, rebuilding, suffering and success. They do not occur in any specific order, and can happen co-currently with the others as combinations. As you go through these seasons there are some of them that have certain attributes in which you control how you react to what life has dealt you. As you reflect on life ask, "what is your positional truth?" Five attributes that can be used as bench marks as a human being of what to reflect on when trying to answer this question are compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Let me break it down.The Greek for compassion is "bowels of mercy," I know that this may sound like a BM of another kind, but it means coming from deep inside. That looking out for other people means you are demonstrating unmerited favor upon them. Kindness means looking for an opportunity to serve others regardless of circumstances. Humility means "stepping down". In spite of positions in life, you can meet someone where they are by merely reaching back as you climb. Gentleness or a soft touch means not to come off as harsh. If your roommate or spouse yells at you to do something, the effect is much different when he/she tells you with a gentleness. Patience is the exercise to slow down and wait. It is the ability to come from a place that is not a reaction from our normal humanity. And the metaphysical essence that holds these five together as an enabler is love. A definition of love can be equated with Giving. Sometimes it "hurts" to give of your money, time and self, this is because it goes against the grain of American society that is based on social Darwinism; the survival of the fittest (or best equipped).
",1]
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D(["mb","Since we are wrapping up college football season with the bowl games, I have to mention one of the greatest running backs of all time Gayle Sayers. He wrote this book called "I am 3\nrd." He lived by the personal philosophy that serving others came before himself. And he lived a fulfilled and joyful life. I do not know many current running backs who live by that philosophy. (ex-OSU folks will remain nameless.) If more of us reflected on our lives that we could be 3\nrd instead of 1st, we may find ourselves getting more out of and giving more to life. \n",1]
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Since we are wrapping up college football season with the bowl games, I have to mention one of the greatest running backs of all time Gayle Sayers. He wrote this book called "I am 3 rd." He lived by the personal philosophy that serving others came before himself. And he lived a fulfilled and joyful life. I do not know many current running backs who live by that philosophy. (ex-OSU folks will remain nameless.) If more of us reflected on our lives that we could be 3 rd instead of 1st, we may find ourselves getting more out of and giving more to life.

The Porcelain Bowl Volume 4 Issue 5

The Porcelain Bowl Volume 4 Issue 5
What have you done today to feel proud Part II

Quips and Quotes:
Mental toughness is many things. It is humility because it behooves all of us to remember that simplicity is the sign of greatness and meekness is the sign of true strength. Mental toughness is spartanism with qualities of sacrifice, self-denial, dedication. It is fearlessness, and it is love. Vince Lombardi


Catch 22
"patty, how are you so brave?"
Me, brave? I have never considered myself brave. I thrive. I realize that for me the alternative is defeat and self-loathing, so I am determined by God's grace to be more than that. I can love myself and keep moving because I have to. For me there is no other choice. Now, for some people who don't share in my background, I guess I should explain. The way I grew up, the odds were against me. See, I am not suppose to be here. Yet, I have arrived. When you are seen as big black female ugly poor ...there is a lot of traumatic happenings that you gotta go through. People are not inherently nice and don't really care, most of the time. People will call you out of your name. Spit in your face or throw rocks at you. Reject you because you don't look like them. Hate you because your presence makes them realize that they are not near perfect. They will disrespect you because they are insecure. Lie to you because they can. Steal from you because they can. Hurt you because well, they can. Cheat you..., well, you get the idea.If you are not perceived as a person of worth by societal standards, it is hard to maintain anything but to either be brave because the alternative is social death. How else, can I explain it, I know for many its hard to hear me be this REAL. I think that it's harder to be a combination of rich, white, male, etc., than what it means to be the opposite of all these things. I believe that because not only do you not learn how to be brave, you are raised to be a coward. The majority in America is taught to resist change and that seeing "othered" groups as equals relinquishes artificial power that is still used to subjugate entire groups of people. Yet, still, a coward mocks others and treat others like poop, a coward is someone who hurts others so that they feel better or don't even think about what they are doing and still perform this function.
However, then these cowards come to college, and are told to buy into diversity and treat people better...well that really can\'t happen if a person is not able to see their privilege, and to see the mechanics are that keep them a coward.\nWhat are those mechanics?If you have only had wonderful things happened to you, and then you normalize those things, then you will never appreciate where you came from and what you have. You will be selfish and not treat people right. That is what has to be unlearned. I once jested with a friend about adventure sports. Now, I love sports, in fact I can\'t believe I love hockey! But look at the populations of people who do adventure sports. The people who participate are mostly white, and the people who have money. Most of the time those two groups are the same population. Why do you think that this group participates in adventure sports? I don\'t need adventure sports because existing is hard enough. The thrill for adventure sports comes from the place of desiring a thrill and to prove one\'s ability to take on something life threatening; that is faux bravery. (Don\'t feel bad if you do adventure sports.) \nLife is hard enough, but if you never had to struggle, if you never had your life threatened on a regular basis just because of who you are. If you are like a professor of mine (dr. rose) who grew up in the upper part of Louisiana where she was taught not to go out after dark, for fear of her life because she was black. If you have ever been followed on the street because you were a woman and cornered in an alley. You never have to make up thrills. Adventure sports don\'t attract you. This is because life is the thrill. Life can be more than enough.\nIf you don\'t have to really be brave in your own life (which I highly doubt), be brave for someone else, help someone, be a friend, be a supporter, and/or a gift giver. I will never spend money on sky diving because I know that there is a kid who doesn\'t have school supplies. I know that there is an elderly woman who cannot afford groceries. For as much as I struggled and continue to struggle, I realize even more that I need to be brave for others and help them. Spread the love around. When you give love to multiple people in service, your heart can be broken, but it will never be wounded. You never will fully appreciate what you have if you don\'t give to others who don\'t have enough.\n",1]
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However, then these cowards come to college, and are told to buy into diversity and treat people better...well that really can't happen if a person is not able to see their privilege, and to see the mechanics are that keep them a coward. What are those mechanics?If you have only had wonderful things happened to you, and then you normalize those things, then you will never appreciate where you came from and what you have. You will be selfish and not treat people right. That is what has to be unlearned. I once jested with a friend about adventure sports. Now, I love sports, in fact I can't believe I love hockey! But look at the populations of people who do adventure sports. The people who participate are mostly white, and the people who have money. Most of the time those two groups are the same population. Why do you think that this group participates in adventure sports? I don't need adventure sports because existing is hard enough. The thrill for adventure sports comes from the place of desiring a thrill and to prove one's ability to take on something life threatening; that is faux bravery. (Don't feel bad if you do adventure sports.) Life is hard enough, but if you never had to struggle, if you never had your life threatened on a regular basis just because of who you are. If you are like a professor of mine (dr. rose) who grew up in the upper part of Louisiana where she was taught not to go out after dark, for fear of her life because she was black. If you have ever been followed on the street because you were a woman and cornered in an alley. You never have to make up thrills. Adventure sports don't attract you. This is because life is the thrill. Life can be more than enough. If you don't have to really be brave in your own life (which I highly doubt), be brave for someone else, help someone, be a friend, be a supporter, and/or a gift giver. I will never spend money on sky diving because I know that there is a kid who doesn't have school supplies. I know that there is an elderly woman who cannot afford groceries. For as much as I struggled and continue to struggle, I realize even more that I need to be brave for others and help them. Spread the love around. When you give love to multiple people in service, your heart can be broken, but it will never be wounded. You never will fully appreciate what you have if you don't give to others who don't have enough.
The difference between being a survivor and a person who thrives is this: a person who merely survives wants to be at the place they were before; the person who thrive have learned from being brave through circumstances and have come out changed for the better and don\'t look back, but looks forward. Be fully proud of the days where you thrive over merely surviving. That is when you know that you have ran and completed the race. And regardless of the placement, you win!\nLast WordAs most of you are now in your twenties, many of you will become engaged, start dating seriously, have friends who will do those things, and/or be fabulous and single. But as you mature and think about relationships, there is always more to learn about yourself, potential candidates, and people in general. Let me share with you what was revealed to me that has reshaped how I look at relationships.\nAs a man, you should be looking for a women who is your friend, your lover, and your queen. When a women is your friend, she will be there for you. She will be one of your best friends and love and respect you. She will encourage you to go after your dreams but at the same time check you when you start losing it. She will be kind and compassionate. She is someone that your other friends and family respect because she is a good person. She compliments you. She is women enough to love your past and your future. She adds to your life, and doesn\'t take away from it. You are proud that you are friends because she has helped you to be a better person. If a woman is not your friend, she will not be able to be the best lover to you. \nYou want a woman to be your lover; meaning that she can pleasure and entertain your deepest needs. You sees you to the core of who you are and can still look at you. She caters to you and serves you beyond what is just physical. You know that no matter what would or could happened, you can trust her. She has earned trust and respect because she gives it. She is secure in herself, and that is what makes her sexy. She is independent but is drawn to you because you add to her life and vice versa.\n",1]
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The difference between being a survivor and a person who thrives is this: a person who merely survives wants to be at the place they were before; the person who thrive have learned from being brave through circumstances and have come out changed for the better and don't look back, but looks forward. Be fully proud of the days where you thrive over merely surviving. That is when you know that you have ran and completed the race. And regardless of the placement, you win! Last WordAs most of you are now in your twenties, many of you will become engaged, start dating seriously, have friends who will do those things, and/or be fabulous and single. But as you mature and think about relationships, there is always more to learn about yourself, potential candidates, and people in general. Let me share with you what was revealed to me that has reshaped how I look at relationships. As a man, you should be looking for a women who is your friend, your lover, and your queen. When a women is your friend, she will be there for you. She will be one of your best friends and love and respect you. She will encourage you to go after your dreams but at the same time check you when you start losing it. She will be kind and compassionate. She is someone that your other friends and family respect because she is a good person. She compliments you. She is women enough to love your past and your future. She adds to your life, and doesn't take away from it. You are proud that you are friends because she has helped you to be a better person. If a woman is not your friend, she will not be able to be the best lover to you. You want a woman to be your lover; meaning that she can pleasure and entertain your deepest needs. You sees you to the core of who you are and can still look at you. She caters to you and serves you beyond what is just physical. You know that no matter what would or could happened, you can trust her. She has earned trust and respect because she gives it. She is secure in herself, and that is what makes her sexy. She is independent but is drawn to you because you add to her life and vice versa.
When a woman is your queen, it means that you honor and cherish her. That you do everything in your power to cater and respect her. That you are doing what you can to sustain her joy. You share together in the relationship and you don\'t lead the relationship by authoritarian means but by serving. Your legacy together is where love will ultimately reside. At the same time she sees you as her king. She honors and respects you. And you each perform your roles out of mutual respect. Balance is key to this level of love.\nI went home a couple of weeks ago to visit with my friend Beth who was married last year and this year had a baby with her husband, Scott. We went to high school together and undergraduate here at OSU. She let me in on a secret. See, Scott and Beth dated 11 years before they got married (here comes my age). When Beth and I were freshman in high school that is when they began to date. They waited. They waited to get to know each other, they waited to learn from each other, they waited to allow the other to grow, and they waited to be fiscally secure and have their odds and ends together, for them. In our capitalistic society, we want what we want right now. And we treat marriage with the same impatience. \nBeth told me something that I will take with me for the rest of my life. She told me every day she is learning more about Scott. That she is still getting to know him. You would think that now 12 years was enough to get to know someone. But Beth shared wisdom with me that day. In any relationship, especially marriage, as you grow together you learn more about the other and it is real work to sustain open and honest communication. But you do that because you love that person and they love you. That is why you have to be best friends, because with lovers alone, the love can simply die. But with friendship, the agape kind (unconditional) love resides, and that is what gets a relationship through things that are hard. \nYou may have experienced love, but without the other kinds of love, a long term relationship will not work. And hopefully we all are at least learning from each relationship on how to be better. How to serve more. How to be a better friend. And how not to fall for those who would abuse and manipulate us. Those who want to change us to fulfill their needs in their best interest. A true love, wants you to be the best that you can be for you. And the outcome is win-win. If you are the best that you can be for you, and you are giving and serving others, then you will be a greater man. Many women in their 20\'s don\'t know how to support a man to do this effectively. That is because they are trying to figure out their own purpose. \n",1]
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When a woman is your queen, it means that you honor and cherish her. That you do everything in your power to cater and respect her. That you are doing what you can to sustain her joy. You share together in the relationship and you don't lead the relationship by authoritarian means but by serving. Your legacy together is where love will ultimately reside. At the same time she sees you as her king. She honors and respects you. And you each perform your roles out of mutual respect. Balance is key to this level of love. I went home a couple of weeks ago to visit with my friend Beth who was married last year and this year had a baby with her husband, Scott. We went to high school together and undergraduate here at OSU. She let me in on a secret. See, Scott and Beth dated 11 years before they got married (here comes my age). When Beth and I were freshman in high school that is when they began to date. They waited. They waited to get to know each other, they waited to learn from each other, they waited to allow the other to grow, and they waited to be fiscally secure and have their odds and ends together, for them. In our capitalistic society, we want what we want right now. And we treat marriage with the same impatience. Beth told me something that I will take with me for the rest of my life. She told me every day she is learning more about Scott. That she is still getting to know him. You would think that now 12 years was enough to get to know someone. But Beth shared wisdom with me that day. In any relationship, especially marriage, as you grow together you learn more about the other and it is real work to sustain open and honest communication. But you do that because you love that person and they love you. That is why you have to be best friends, because with lovers alone, the love can simply die. But with friendship, the agape kind (unconditional) love resides, and that is what gets a relationship through things that are hard. You may have experienced love, but without the other kinds of love, a long term relationship will not work. And hopefully we all are at least learning from each relationship on how to be better. How to serve more. How to be a better friend. And how not to fall for those who would abuse and manipulate us. Those who want to change us to fulfill their needs in their best interest. A true love, wants you to be the best that you can be for you. And the outcome is win-win. If you are the best that you can be for you, and you are giving and serving others, then you will be a greater man. Many women in their 20's don't know how to support a man to do this effectively. That is because they are trying to figure out their own purpose.
Let me assure you, as Beth revealed to me in her own life. Love that is suppose to be forever will wait. Love supports. Love guides. And love thrives. It will change with each struggle but it will still be there. Someone who is selfish and doesn\'t really know how to love, is insecure, because they don\'t even know how to love themselves…so how can you expect them to love you at all? Don\'t spend your life waiting for THE person. Work on yourself. And you will have healthy higher standards. You will have a better concept of self-worth. You will not fall victim to insecure women and man-eaters. And for those of you who are single and fabulous, the longer you wait to get married, statistically, the more likely it will last. And if you are single and fabulous at 50, you will be okay, too. This is because you are fully proud of who you are, and you have given so much in your life, that a relationship can or cannot happen and you will be fine.\nA man can be as great as he wants to be. If you believe in yourself and have the courage, the determination, the dedication, the competitive drive and if you are willing to sacrifice the little things in life and pay the price for the things that are worthwhile, it can be done.\n\n",0]
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Let me assure you, as Beth revealed to me in her own life. Love that is suppose to be forever will wait. Love supports. Love guides. And love thrives. It will change with each struggle but it will still be there. Someone who is selfish and doesn't really know how to love, is insecure, because they don't even know how to love themselves…so how can you expect them to love you at all? Don't spend your life waiting for THE person. Work on yourself. And you will have healthy higher standards. You will have a better concept of self-worth. You will not fall victim to insecure women and man-eaters. And for those of you who are single and fabulous, the longer you wait to get married, statistically, the more likely it will last. And if you are single and fabulous at 50, you will be okay, too. This is because you are fully proud of who you are, and you have given so much in your life, that a relationship can or cannot happen and you will be fine. A man can be as great as he wants to be. If you believe in yourself and have the courage, the determination, the dedication, the competitive drive and if you are willing to sacrifice the little things in life and pay the price for the things that are worthwhile, it can be done.

The Porcelain BowlVolume 4 Issue 4

The Porcelain BowlVolume 4 Issue 4
Begin with the End in Mind
Introduction:
Many of you already know that the weekend of Thanksgiving, the Vice-President of Student Affairs passed away. He was the greatest man I ever knew. He was my mentor for the past 6 years. I know that many of you may have no idea how awesome a champion Bill Hall was to this school. But no one will ever replace him and in all the nation, there is no dean or VP that was as dedicated or diligent. I hope that all of you really come to an understand how blessed you all were to be at Ohio State during his tenure. He was my greatest advocate, and you may not know this, but he was your greatest advocate at the university as well.

Quips and Quotes:
What does not kill you makes you stronger.
Number 2.: "There was talk among the young men, angry, growing talk. And later when they were fully men and married and the dismay of increasing numbers filled their hearts, the scattered anger of their youth became settled into a fierce despair and into a revolt too deep for mere words because all their lives they labored more severely than beasts, and for nothing except a handful of refuse to fill their bellies."-P. S. Buck
thanks to WB carey Clinton who sent that to me from Bulgaria.

Catch 22
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
Challenge yourself to do something nice for someone else everyday. From something small whether it be a smile or gestured gift to something even more significant. When you do something good for someone else, it makes you feel good. Who needs therapy when you can help yourself! However, the quote what does not kill you makes you stronger can only work if you seek the truth behind the tragedy. The blessing that is in every storm. What is that blessing? That regardless of the severity, the storm will end, and you will need to move on. When you live your life just for yourself there is no checks and balances. You go through life under a veil of uncertainty because you aren't established in anything that has meaning. What is your ontological map? How do you make meaning? Maybe in this new year, you can begin to give. Give of your gifts, time, and talents to edify someone or many people. Begin with the end in mind. Seek first to understand then to be understood. Oprah began her season by asking her audience, and well, the world, the question of “what have you done today to feel proud?” This is a question I am going to ask myself each day. My challenge for all of you is to pose that sentiment to yourselves. Journal about it. I promise what goes around comes around. When you begin doing a good work that helps someone else, close to follow are the means that you needed when you did not even know you were lacking at all. What have I done today to feel proud? I began with the notion of passing this one to all of you, so that you could bless someone else.Even in your own pain you can be a giver, that is when it is most important. All of you know by now that the great Bill Hall passed away last week. It hit me pretty hard. But in my own brokenness came the truth I needed to give the most important speech I have ever delivered. The joy of everyone else who heard the stories of me and bill, was worth more than my grief. I learned this by revelation that I received attending a program for a group of kids that a bunch of us students adopted for the holidays from a program Gal Pal Naomi put together. Although I did not even feel like getting out of bed that Thursday, I went to the program and served these kids because they deserved it. Life is not just about me. And in the moments that I ate, played and fellowshipped with those kids I was comforted by their presence and that was more significant then feeling sorry for myself in my room. It is the JOY of other people that was worth more than my GRIEF. And the evidence was in the eyes of little kids. And I am so grateful for the timeliness of that experience. For those who wondered, that experience is where I drew the strength to have it together at the memorial service. Last Word:ManEatersOoohh there she goesWatch out boy she’ll chew you up…she’s a man eater…As much as I get on my female friends to watch out for wack dudes, I would be doing an injustice if I were not real to you all about women and how they can be serpents in the grass. I was having a conversation with one of my mentors about women who give good women a bad wrap, and she told me something very valuable, most men are messed up because a woman (or bad relationship with a woman, and this could be his mother as well) went wrong or wronged him. So, those reading may be in great relationships, but you all got friends who date the crazies. HELP your friend out. Of course there is only so much you can do. A person has got to want to help themselves.

But think of it this way, man eaters are like serpents. These women bury their fangs deep and don’t release their prey until their dead, the venom has ran out, or the prey fights back. If the prey fights back, that is the only time that the snake gives up and takes flight to leave. If you don’t fight back, you will come under the influence of the venom and it can poison you in many ways. The fact is at the end of the day, we all have the choice. Sometimes choices are hard to make, but when we finally discover the truth and pursue it, that when we find at the summit of fear, where real courage lies. And the antidote may be really painful in the beginning, but it is what is best for not dying or killing parts of yourself. “Pain nourishes courage. You can't be brave if you've only had wonderfulthings happen to you.” --Mary Tyler Moore