Volume 3 Issue 3

The Porcelain Bowl
“Everything goes down the drain”
Volume 3 Issue 3

Quote of the Week:
“Man strives for glory and honor, fame… that
all the world may know his name. he amasses wealth by brain
and hand…becomes a power in the land. But when he
nears the end of his life…and looks back over
the years of strife…he finds that happiness
depends on none of these…but love of friends”
-unknown author

Catch 22
Finishing up this two part series has been challenging. I did not know how to open this up to all of you to get the perspective I am trying to convey. Summing up a 300 page book to be concise and compelling is no minor task. The last two pillars of a man’s heart that I am sharing with you are mentor and friend. This last two sections that should bring into balance how you may conceptualize manhood are very important. One of my favorite books by Marian Wright Edelman is called Lanterns. It is a tribute to all the “heroes” who contributed to the civil rights movement. Most of them Dr. Edelman attributes to being her Mentors even if it is in Spirit.
A mentor can be defined as being a life coach. We all need life coaches and at the same time need to be a coach to someone(s) else. Somewhere deep in the core of your being, there are pearls of wisdom waiting to be dug up and passed on to someone else. From your mind to the heart of another man (or woman). The mentor within the man teaches life. Sometimes the mentoring is spiritual, sometimes its mechanical. Sometimes it is even technical, intellectual, and/or recreational. So there are several key components about mentoring.
Mentoring builds men who understand life and pass it on. The greatest of all men point to a mentor. Show me a great man, and I can dig up someone who he points to as his personal mentor. Sometimes mentoring is modeling over a lifetime. Labels fall short of qualifying relationships or the words you may share with another person. The way that you live your life many times serves as the example or help needed to another person. I will always cherish my time with Vice President of Student Affairs Bill Hall because he never talks about how he leads, he just does it. He leads by example. And that is a component that I incorporate into how I lead.
Sometimes mentoring is instinctive coaching. Sometimes mentoring is spontaneous and on the spot. Sometimes you don’t ask for these appointments in life, but never let that stop you from being part of a teachable moment. In a moment you can impact someone’s life forever. My mama has two sayings. Yes, in her years of experience she has two pearls that she keeps on repeat just for me. “Kick Butt” and “Give ‘em Hell.” These two gems have gotten me through some tough times. My mama may not always know that she is supporting me, but I have reminded her, especially of late, that her hard knock takes on life has helped me pick myself up over and over again. I get pneumonia again, all well, I gotta kick its butt before it tries to get mine J.
Sometimes mentoring is systematic teaching. Things that have been handed down to you. The moral fiber that rests in your grandmothers eyes when she looks at you acting up as a child. The scolding you got from your mom for stealing candy when you were three and she made you take it back and apologize. The multiple punishments and teachings that come to you in different forms of discipline so that when you get to college you don’t go that far off. And if you do, somehow there is one person who makes that difference in you. Someone who believes enough for the both of you. Or you believe enough for someone in your life. Sometimes you may not see the fruit of your labor. Maybe just like Mr. Tabern may never know that my correct usage of the 8th part of speech came from his careful correction in the seventh grade. Life is bigger than you, and just your mere existence makes you metaphysically linked to every other human being. I am saying that because you live, you need to give. Give of your times, talents and skills. Give because somewhere along the way, someone gave to you, even if you can’t put your finger on it. A mentor is student of ancient wisdom, of the people, and of failure.
I heard once that there is no greater love for a friend than a person willing to die for him. I agree. Dr. Martin L. King Jr. said that a man who stands for nothing falls for anything. Choose carefully what you are willing to die for, but if you are willing to put your life on the line, do it for something of great measure, for another human life. There is a proverb that says some friends stick closer than a brother. Having close friends in front of whom you can think aloud and be yourself is really important. I have done many of emails about friendship and at the end of this you can go to a website that I have created that houses all the back issues of the former white boy emails.
Now to get back to the pillars. If the mentor falters to either side of the balanced man, he may thought of as a dunce or a know it all. It is best to keep balance. If a friend falters to either side of the balanced man he may be perceived as a loner or a smotherer. But a mentor is to teach and a friend is to connect. A mentor walks in wisdom and a friend walks in love.

Thanks for reading this edition, next issue is all about the laughs and look for new Ebonics lessons J

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